Art?: Mixed media chess board

Chess is by far my favourite game these days.  I have several chess boards, including a glass board with glass pieces.  I play Chess against the iMac Computer on the very clever electronic chess game which comes with iMacs.

I thought a creazzione using wooden board, some gold, brown, black and purple paint and some small balls stuck on with glue and paint would keep me amused.  It did.

 

F*ckART: Time Star

With way too much time on my hands this wet, cold, windy morning in Scone, Perth & Kinross – and with no appetite at all to write about Law today – I amused myself first by buying a large RED suede hat in excellent condition from The Salvation Army shop in Perth (£5) and then created some ART by sticking a broken Hunter watch onto a canvas with superglue, and a red Labour Party Star which I obtained from a Labour Party stall in Perth High Street a few weeks ago and smeared some fast drying acrylic paint onto the canvas.  Kept me amused and I like the effect. It is a form of ‘Re-cycling’ ?

It is unlikely that anyone will want to buy this work – but I would be happy to sell at £30 if it would amuse you to buy it.  I will sign it “Charonasso”….in fact, I have signed it twice at the top and at the bottom – so you may display the ‘work’ as you wish – even upside down!

Syringe Art from Charonasso

SyringeArt 1 with SNP key ring and syringe
Charonasso Syringe Period
June 2016

This is what I do to amuse myself when there is no law lurking in the shadows to write about.

The pharmacist in Perth was very worried that I wanted to buy syringes – fearing that I may be a drug taker.  I assured him that I was a professional smoker, did not take drugs and wanted to squirt paint onto a canvas with the syringe to keep myself amused.  He was a young Indian pharmacist and was nervous.  I took this painting into his shop afterwards – about 20 minutes later to reassure him. (One of my nicknames when I painted at School was ‘Risotto’ and sold various ‘creazione‘ to fellow students – ready in 20 minutes)

He asked if I ever sold my ‘works’. My pulse raced, believing that I might be on the brink of making a sale.  I told him that I had sold a few.  He did not offer to buy it!

 

Injected paint squirted through a syringe at a canvas II 2016

Injected paint squirted through a syringe at a canvas II 2016 – Charon QC 
After a most enjoyable walk to Scone and back – a good few miles, and a quick pint of Guinness…I thought I should fill my syringes with coloured acrylic paints and do another painting.  I’ve not painted by using syringes to fire paint at a canvas before – kept me amused for a good half hour earlier ‘thinking and executing the work’.  The canvas is 3t x 1ft.  Paints used – acrylic.

Happy to sell for £30 + posting.  Equally happy to keep them and hang them in the new flat in Scone when I move….soon.

Charon’s “Lost The Plot INJECTION ART Series”

Having exhausted myself reading a rather dull law report – so dull, I can’t even be bothered to write about it. I decided to amuse myself by doing a new painting – not with a brush, mind – but with a plastic syringe purchased from a Local Pharmacist.  the pharmacist asked me why I needed a syringe – suspicious, perhaps, that I was going to ‘inject something into myself’.  He seemed even more baffled when I told him the truth – that I wanted to squirt acrylics paints at a canvas for a new series of F*ckART paintings I am doing.

The first in the series “Charon’s Syringe Period 2016′ is pictured. The ‘Work’ – took about 1 min 50 seconds to execute.  I suspect that it may well be my last…?

The painting is 3ft x 1 ft… 

 

For Sale £30 + postage. Email Me

Shark in the sea with Diamonds By Charon in his ‘Lost the plot’ period.

Shark in the sea with Diamonds
By Charon in his ‘Lost the plot’ period.

This ‘Homage’ to Damien Hurst – a famous artist who amused the world by pickling sharks in tanks and encrusted a skull with Diamonds is now available at a much more modest price than Mr Hurst would sell for…. a bargain at £10 + pp – and, so you get some additional benefit for your professional work  – you may have a free advert on the blog for a year.

Do email me if you would like to buy it.  Can deliver in London and you can even sign the painting yourself or I can… or, indeed, we both can sign it.

 

F**kArt: I thought it was time for a few Twitter Commandments and…“There’s a plot…let’s go and lose it!”

The Ten Twitter Commandments
Charon 2009

Back later…quite possibly with some LAW even… etc etc… a fine sunny evening…perfect weather for some Smokedo

I unashamedly modify my friend The Fat Bigot Opines’ “There’s a goat, let’s scape it”.. for the title of my latest post.  It seems that I may be losing the plot.

This was my view some years ago when I first wrote this post…I am ‘cured’ now…I think?

Many years ago, until I was about 35, I was fairly fit.  A couple of years ago I had an unpleasant illness which I survived and,  fed up with the advice of doctors and pills,  I decided three weeks ago to dispense with both and  that loads of fruit, vegetables and a lot of strength training was needed.  So… I developed a taste for doing press ups while taking a cigarette outside on the top floor of a building.  This graduated to push ups, squats, calf lifts, abs and with a 5Kg dumbell purchased a week ago,  the repertoire increased to all the things one can do smokedo18jun7with a dumbell.  There are dangers with Smokedo.  The picture to the left demonstrates that excessive use of weights while smoking can cause the outer skin to fall off. A Doctor of Law friend of mine told me that he was very concerned about this – so gave up weight training while smoking.  My muscles grew, the fat started to burn off and now… I have two 20kg dumbells…delivered this very morning by Mr Amazon who was not happy about lugging 100lbs worth of weights up several flights of stairs.   He muttered about lifts when he arrived at my door.  I smiled and said that the lack of a lift (or elevator for my american friends) was a bore, thanked him and waved goodbye.  He looked a bit pale.

I am a 30aday Dan…  so each time I smoke, alternating days for upper body and lower body, I do  sets of eight to ten  exercises with reps varying from 20-50 depending on the exercise.

I noticed that my stomach was getting bigger.  The thought dawned on me that I should burn off the fat on the waist before doing abdominal crunches! So that is what I shall do.

Unfortunately, gentlemen drinkers will know that men put weight on around their gut and it is the last fat to get burned off.  Gentlemen drinkers will only know this, of course, if they have a taste for exercise.  Not all do. I do not exclude women, of course, but I am advised by a very fit woman friend of mine that with women the thighs and the bum is the most difficult to keep under control.  This conjured up images in my mind which I shall not dwell on in this serious law blog.

I have also noticed that I appear to have started walking like an australopithicene.  I am told that when the muscles get used to the assault I am putting them through I shall start to walk normally again provided I don’t overdo the thigh exercises. I won’t.

I have a rowing machine arriving – a cheap one – to get a bit of cardio done and I’m toying with the idea of getting a bike so that I can exercise and smoke as I go to interesting places on the bike… or even to collect my supplies of cigarettes.  As I  am now a wine reviewer,  and I am receiving a fair number of bottles to review,  I am in excellent spirits… so… I am going for the burn… possibly, literally…
I no longer drink.  I continue to do Smokedo

Rive Gauche: Over-refreshed groom tries to eat bride’s leg

The Huffington Post reports: “No one will ever begrudge a groom for having a couple of drinks at his own wedding but there’s a limit. Unfortunately no-one told this chap.

He is absolutely bladdered. And his bride is absolutely raging.

Not content with giving a horrifically toe-curling lap dance in full view of everyone in front of his new bride he then sets about trying to eat her leg. Bravo…”

***

It might be best to follow that story with something just as surreal?

Diamond Shark
Charon

I met Damien Hurst many years ago at The Groucho Club in London with an old friend – who was masquerading as a television ‘celeb’ chef at the time.. We were mildly over refreshed.  It was a Saturday night as far as I can recall now. Hurst also studded a skull with diamonds.  It was but a short leap of ‘F*ckart‘ for me to combine the two concepts in one of my ‘paintings’ (Above).  Not surprisingly, I never sold my ‘work’ and still have it!  But there we are. I could be ‘persuaded’ to sell my shark for a tenner.  If you fancy it – send me an email. 

 

A Charon painting for sale – “Let There be Greed” + AGE!

Let There Be Greed (December 2007)
Charon
Oil on canvas. 

If you would like to buy it – £20 + Post. I will also give you a free advert on the blog for a year if you would like one.   Please send me an email and we can take it from there for  delivery

And here is another smaller painting

Age
SOLD

If you would like the Greed painting above for a Send me an email if you are interested or a DM on twitter

Charonasso ‘Artwork’ for sale! A rare opportunity for a connoisseur – £20

Barristerman with bankcard, lucozade and cheque from law publisher
Charonasso 2015

An opportunity has arisen for you to acquire a Charon ‘painting’ in mixed media.  This work will almost certainly be a talking point at dinner parties should you wish to hang it in your dining room – particularly if your guests are ‘over refreshed’ with the fine wines you provide for them.

A particularly strong part of this mixed media ‘work’ is a cheque from a Law Publisher who cancelled it without any justification whatsoever – in my view…. but there we are, be that as it may…

If you wish to purchase this ‘work’, I will undertake not to produce a replica and will be more than happy to sign it or, indeed, leave you to sign it yourself, as you wish.  If you live in London I can deliver to you and we can have a coffee.  I will spare you any conversation about my ‘art’ etc etc etc…or, indeed, law of any kind.

If you fancy it – send me an email or DM on Twitter. £20 suit you? O.N.O – you may also have a free ad on my blog for a year – which probably makes more sense anyway?   I can also post it to you for whatever our fine postal services charge to either deliver the item or lose it en route

I have no idea who the old git with the tache is…he turns up like a porter at an auction to hold items up in front of the camera on my Mac computer…it seems to keep him amused and it assists me greatly because I can nip out for a fag while he does this important photographic work.

 

‘Important artwork for sale’ – A major find?

Barristerman with Lucozade, expired debit card and cheque from client in ‘payment for services rendered’ which was not ‘met’…
Charon 2015

Perhaps not the pinnacle of artistic achievement – or even definable within a ‘school of art’ –  but some would describe this as an attempt by Charon to keep himself amused on a quiet day and quite possibly, also, as nonsense.

I am selling this ‘work’ for £15 – or £16 if you would like me to throw in a Union Jack flag on a plastic flagstick which I brought some time back to wave at a Royal ‘event’. The cheque was from a ‘client’ which was not met by them…but these things happen… (I’ll pay the postage or give it to you in person if you live near a tube station in London)

 

 

The Social Media Maven pronounces … a painting from my past…

The Social Media Maven pronounces (2010)
Oil on Canvas
Charon

In the Collection of @ScottGreenfield

And it came to pass, when the Maven came down from the mount with the two tables of twitter rules  in Maven’s hand, when he came down from the mount, that Maven wist not that the skin of his face shone while he talked with him. And when@stephenfry and all the children of twitter saw the Maven, behold, the skin of his face shone; and they were afraid to come nigh him.

And the Maven said… I have been a stranger in a strange land…. and I say unto you…whatever you tweet…happens…

Rive Gauche: A few paintings wot I did in the past….Happy Chrimbo etc etc…

I did paint ‘reasonably’ sensibly while at School well back into the last Century.  I am going to start painting again in the New Year.  It is unlikely that I will paint sensibly…. more of this sort of thing, I suspect:

But I may also do a few in this ‘style’….

Or even…this style…

I’ll Passmore on this (2009)
Oil on Canvas
Charon

Geometry was a bit of a mystery to the young Charon – but over time, and through necessity,  he came to understand the principles.  Now geometry fascinates Charon more in the shape than the practical application and for the possibilities of optical illusion. If one looks at the two circles in the middle of the painting;  soon one sees a cylinder, for the brain fills in the lines to connect the circles…and then the cylinders appear to change direction.  I put this to Charon.  He told me:  “See what you like, mate…. When I look into the circle at the bottom left, I am looking down into a wine bottle and it has wine in it… this is good.  When I look at the circle on the right, I am looking down into the bottle and there is no wine in it and I can even see the bar code.  This is not good.  When I look at the circle top right… it is the morning after and things, sometimes, are a bit bright.  I have no idea who did the circles and geometry in the middle… it is possible that I may have been burgled during the night.”

Au revoir for now... I am certain that I shall post on the morrow…I am not a great fan of Chrimbo…

Giving up smoking?

Having just recalled the advice of an old friend on Twitter…”If there is a plot…let us go and lose it.” – I took the advice and came up with some nonsense to hang on my wall.  I am using E-cigarettes in a vain attempt to give up smoking.  I have many of these E-cigarettes.  The conclusion I draw from this is…that my attempt to give up smoking is not going terribly well.

Well….at least I can put the used e-cigarettes to some good.  Am I getting the hang of this recycling thing?

Fence with Nosy Neighbour: Charon F**kArt painting.

I appear, still, to be using my time ‘wisely’.  I am painting a garden fence for the friends I am staying with.  I could not resist translating this rather unusual activity (for me) into a painting to add to my collection of F*ckArt nonsense.

I shall call this “Fence with Nosy Neighbour” (Not that neighbour is nosy).

***

The fence is the colour  in the painting.  Bright!  In fact, the paint I used is the fence paint.

***

Mind you – this ‘painting’ could equally be entitled “Surveillance Society”

 

UK Blawg Review #10 – Part 4

HUNT THE DRINKING & SMOKING LOBSTER COMPETITION

In Part 4 – the last of my reviews – I am hiding a picture of a  lobster that smokes and drinks in one of Parts 1-3 of UK Blawg Review #10 from earlier in the week. 

The challenge, for which there will be a prize of Professor Gary Slapper’s book –  More Weird Cases – is as follows:

1.  Locate the lobster and email it to me. The lobster wasn’t there when I published Part 1-3 – but it is now!

2.  Write in no more than 140 characters (as in tweets) – your opinion of the Justice system

3.  The best 140 ‘opinion’ on the Justice system will win

4.  Charon Rules – as per the Caption Competition in Part 1 – apply.  (PS There is still time to enter the Caption Competition as well)


I’d like to thank Michael Scutt, who set up the UK Blawg Roundup concept,  for giving me the opportunity to have a romp through a few UK Blawgs.  I can’t cover every blog – but as my Weekly Law Overviews  starts next week, bloggers can be sure that I will be highlighting a few UK law blog posts each week going forward.

So it seems appropriate, given that practising solicitor Michael Scutt also blogs, to start with this post from his Jobsworth blog: Vince Cable: In the Eye of the Storm

***

A barrister’s job is to put the case for the defense as effectively and clearly as would his client if he had an advocate’s skills. The barrister’s belief or disbelief in the truth of the story is irrelevant: it’s for the jury to decide this often difficult question. 

Sir John Mortimer QC

Since I still have ‘something of the random’ about me since I started writing UK Blawg Review #10 last Sunday – a post about coffee which keeps many lawyers at the grindstone,  written by Jon Bloor of Peninsulawyer, caught my eye: Coffee week

And so to more serious matters…

I like a bit of dirt… and while I am not a Property Lawyer (Although I defeated the Land Law examiner who said I would fail because I attended not a single of his Land Law lectures or tutorials by getting a First in the subject.  He was even more astonished than I was. I got lucky,  revising five subjects with all five coming up for the four questions required – not a technique I recommended to any of the many students I taught over 30 years!)…

I do read Jon Dickins’ Digging The Dirt from time to time: Apparently – Al-Jazeera to Become First Tenant of The Shard?

And since we are in this together – I thought a trip over to Bearwatch ( a blog I enjoy visiting) would cheer me up.  It didn’t!  UK debt far worse than USA’s

Milly Bancroft, a regular on our Without Prejudice series of podcasts (and short listed for The Orwell Prize this year),  has an amusing post from her Beneath The Wig blog which I just cannot resist: And I am not making this up…

Paul Bernal, an experienced academic, has a fascinating blog on human rights, privacy and the internet.  This latest piece gives a flavour: Who goes where???

Nick Holmes who runs the Infolaw websites, blogs from time to time:  I enjoyed this post: Scooping up work online with the “long tail”

I believe that most, if not all, lawyers need to be up to date on financial and economic matters.  I am a regular reader of  the excellent Capitalists@Work blog.  This post provides a very good taster: U-turns are healthy

Fill My Days in Legal London can provide amusing diversions in the day.  This post illustrates: Lately, I’ve been mainly reading erotic literature

And on that note… time to move on to my next semi-structured section….

***

Barristerman! (2009), Oil on Canvas
Charon

Charon read too many Marvel comics when he was a kid…and he likes Roy Lichtenstein also….nuff said.

If you are planning a career at the Bar – a good starting point would be visit a visit to Simon Myerson QC’s blog Pupillage and How to Get it blogFilled with top quality advice and guidance.

The Pupillage Blog is another ‘must read’ for intending barristers.

AND since we are talking about barristers… I am delighted to punt Tim Kevan’s Babybarista book.. Law and Peace currently just £1.19 on the Kindle for the Jubilee!

Family Law barrister Jacqui Gilliat continues to amuse with serious and odd snippets on her Bloody Relations blog: D.I.V.O.R.C.E: the mother of all separation songs

And we must not forget about the clerks… this from the energetic Jeremy Hopkins –  who has recently moved from 3VB to be Director of Operations at Riverview LawClerkingwell is a pleasure to read.  Try this for size: Psilkology

The Free Movement blog is written mainly by barristers in the immigration team at Renaissance Chambers. In a recent post they ask: Can the UK suspend free movement?

And.. an essential resource from Inner Temple’s Current Awareness Library team – a very good source of news, casenotes and other law materials

The Barrister Bard continues to analyse and provoke...The New Jerusalem

Come the New Jerusalem, when I am elected Divine Leader, I shall abolish all Public Inquiries as a complete waste of time and space.  They are excruciatingly boring, and for the most part, they tell us nothing we didn’t already know…..

Barrister James Vine on thebungblog – a lightheartedly serious look at the Bribery Act 2010: “A QUESTION OF INTERPRETATION”

I don’t usually write about my own cases, because I have never been a big believer in blowing my own trumpet. In addition to that, this blog is supposed to be about the Bribery Act, although with the caveat in the “About” section (which nobody reads) that I may wander off at a tangent from time to time. Well this is that time…

Read more…

In parts 1-3 you will find many examples of blogs written by barristers.

***

A lawyer without history or literature is a mechanic, a mere working mason; if he possesses some knowledge of these, he may venture to call himself an architect.
Walter Scott

A knowledge of what is happening in Europe – apart from irritating shield munching tory beserkers on the backbenches is always useful to a lawyer: IPrivacy4IT – Clarinette’s blog: French Presidential elections a successful story of divorce

International Conflict of Laws is an important subject for many lawyers. Conflict of Laws. net is a remarkable resource edited by Martin George and others.  The old cliche..”the devil is in the detail’ is a useful aphorism to remember.  This website is detailed: Folkman on International Judicial Assistance

Written by Jon Harman director of The College of Law Multi-media unit, – Digital Adventures is a delight to dip into: The Dinner Guardians

I read Law Actually most weeks.  Always incisive.  A recent post delivers a taste of the analysis provided: Fighting back against the PI claims scandal

 The personal injury niche generally comes in for a lot of bad press – deservedly so at times. As well as the infamous ambulance-chasing antics, sketchy client care and extortionate success fees, the dubious business of cross-referrals can badly impact the credibility of firms which work in this area.

Perhaps most pernicious of all is the practice of insurance companies selling potential claims to the firm of solicitors with the highest bid. (Think of it as exploiting claimants via e-Bay)…..

Law & Sexuality written by Chris Ashford, Reader in Law and Society in the Department of Law at the University of Sunderland in the UK, provides a clear and critical analysis of the application of law in this field: A Conspiracy of Silence

LawBore Future Lawyer, edited by Emily Albion is a most interesting and eclectic resource worth dipping into.

***

And so to a few blogs from the USA, Ireland and Canada – which I read and enjoy….in no particular order.

UK Blawg Roundup will be, I am sure,happy to tip a hat to Blawg Review, edited by the mysterious ‘Ed’.  I have had the pleasure of writing six Blawg Reviews over the years and will do so again if invited so to do.  It is an exceptional blog – hosted each week by a different lawyer (in the main from the US – but lawyers and academics from other countries  are often invited to host.)

WhatAboutClients? – which transmogrifies at weekends into WhatAboutParis? is written by good friend, US lawyer Dan Hull – an anglophile who claims roots in East Anglia, from the Normans and, like me I suspect – from whatever stock du jour it is which pleases him.  We are all, thankfully, mongrels at heart.

The client focused side of Dan’s blog is direct, blunt and to the point. The WhatAboutParis? side is thoughtful, suggestive, provocative, informative and, above all..an interesting read.  please do have a look:  a post from each side – 12 Rules of Client Service: You don’t get to have a “bad day” and Remembering: What do you remember about childhood? Does it matter?

And so to one of the most incisive and direct legal minds writing on law blogs anywhere in the world – Simple Justice.  Scott Greenfield does not mess about – except when accepting Earldoms from me or playing himself as a US defense lawyer representing the hapless George in West London Man (infra) – but that is another story.  He is direct..very direct… and he accepts criticism and takes it on.  Simple Justice is an excellent read – even if you know nothing about US (New York) law or criminal defense work. Scott Greenfield is wide ranging in critical analysis.  The post that follows will give you a very clear taster!

If You Say So

Some clients want to tell their lawyer everything under the sun, using tens of thousands of words to express thoughts that require maybe a dozen. Some answer questions posed to them succinctly and clearly.  Some don’t say much.  Some lie.

The liar isn’t malevolent. He’s manipulative.  Maybe he survived on the street by his wits, and can’t quite give up the tools that kept him alive thus far.  More likely, he believes, as many do, that if he convinces his lawyer that he’s an innocent man, his lawyer will love him more and represent him better.  It’s not that he views his lawyer as the enemy (though that often becomes the case as the lawyer is the messenger for a miserable system, and comes to personify all the client comes to hate), as much as he can’t quite bring himself to trust someone.

And so the lawyer asked the client questions, and the client responds.  The lawyer knows that the client isn’t being forthright with him, and pushes the client. Sometimes, he even tells the client that he’s lying, and that his lies won’t serve his cause.

Do you really want your lawyer to be the stupidest guy in the room?

They can’t help it. This isn’t an intellectual choice, but an emotional one. The believe they can beat the system, outwit it, by lying to their lawyer

Read more….

Colin Samuels, a good friend, has won five Blawg Review annual prizes for the exceptional quality of his writing.  I had the pleasure of doing an Unsilent Partners collaborative Blawg Review with him and we are now collaborating on the social atrocity satire of George aka West London Man.  (Episode 26 is here: West London Man (26): THE ADVENTURE OF THE FINAL PROBLEM)

Colin Samuels writes on his own blog Infamy or Praise. (The service was down this afternoon – hopefully a temporary glitch)

Finally in the US selection:  Gideon – A Public Defender

Another good friend and fellow blogger, Antonin Pribetic is an enthusiastic supporter of UK law blogs.  His Trial Warrior blog is thoughtful, analytical and incisive – a very enjoyable read. His recent Blawg Review #319 will also give you an insight into his views and thoughts.

And finally… a must read for all interested in Human Rights Law:  Cearta.ie (Irish for Rights) written by Dr Eoin O’Dell a Fellow and Senior Lecturer at the School of Law, Trinity College Dublin.

***

AND really finally… Chef Charon présente

Originally, I awarded myself 21 stars. But upon reflection and coming to the view that readers would find this preposterous ‘cheffery’ on an industrial scale – I have reduced the number of stars to a more credible 18.  Here is a recipe for my ‘famous’ Boeuf Buggerorf

Not that I need a reason for introducing complete nonsense into my UK Blawg Review #10 – but, as it happens, there is a reason…. Nicky Richmond, a property lawyer, writes a very amusing blog about Law and food… well… mainly food – Saying It Straight.  The reviews may assist you in deciding where to dine.  The writing is wonderful.  Most enjoyable.  Dip in and read… you won’t regret it: The Arts Club. Do you have to be a member to join?

Time to say goodbye for UK Blawg Review #10.  I leave you with two pieces of nonsense wot I knocked up some time back.

I have enjoyed reading and writing about the blogs in parts 1-54.  I’m only sorry I can’t cover every UK Blawg. Reading and writing  for all Blawg Reviews (US and now UK) I have done takes a fair bit of time.  (I often get asked how long blog reviews take. These four parts took just under 24 non-billable hours! –  for me – a pleasure.

A Bar & Dining Room
Somewhere in London
Meal for two with wine: £90
Nil points

Charon goes to a restaurant run by East European border guards?

“Have you booked?” asked the black silk shirted Maitre D’ guarding the entrance. The abruptness of the greeting took me by surprise.

“I have not booked. Do you have a table?” Blackshirt’s eyes narrowed as he flicked open the diary. The page had one entry. Blackshirt looked up, eyes darting. “How many of you are there?” It may seem to the casual observer that I suffer from dissociative identity disorder, but I was alone. I heard Sir Alec Guinness in the recess of my mind: “Charon” he said, “Use the Force….”

“I am one.”

The Maitre D’ surveyed the dining room. It was that sort of place… Not a restaurant, but a Bar and Dining Room. It was 12.30. Only two tables were occupied. “Do you smoke?” Blackshirt snapped.

“For England.” I replied.

I was escorted to a table in the corner of the room – a table for two. An East European border guard, dressed as a waitress, appeared with a menu. I selected a bottle of Claret and asked for two espressos and a glass of tap water, no ice. “You want espresso?” the waitress asked, unsmiling. “Now?”

“Yes please.” I watched her walk towards the bar. Well it was more of a march… more Red Square than Sandhurst. I was not invited to taste the wine when it arrived.

The menu was fairly typical of many gastros – a mix of “Confu**tion cooking” with a bit of thai/vietnamese nonsense thrown in. I enjoy reading Anthony Bourdain… but his books, do on occasion, get into the wrong hands… and so it was, today. Couscous and polenta featured heavily. One day I am sure that I will find a gastro pub with a dish called “Irish tagine”.

A couple were seated at a table nearby – both late twenties, both City professionals. I know this because they managed to tell me, indirectly, by relating events to each other of their successes during the week. They talked at each other; he admiring himself repeatedly in the mirrors lining the walls on our side of the restaurant. They obviously knew each other well – at least one assumes so, because, later, declining the offer of pudding, they started eating each other.

I have no idea why nutters on trains, tubes, buses and restaurants gravitate towards me – but it happend again today. The East European border guard escorted another customer to the adjacent table – a man in his early sixties, blazered, highly polished Oxford shoes, grey trousers, Turnbull & Asser shirt, silk tie and a traditional ‘British’ haircut. One could almost smell the George Trumper cologne.

“Good day to you.”

“And to you.” I replied.

“Writer?” the man asked, pointing at my laptop. I learned long ago not to answer that question.

“Just doing a bit of surfing.”

“Surfing Eh?…. yes… I used to surf when I was a junior partner with X&Y in Hong Kong…. on trips to Australia…. tied up a few M&A deals, I can tell you… out there…. those were the days…”

God in heaven. I know I drank a bottle of cider in Church once when I was at Prep school… but I had no idea, then, that I would continue to be punished for that sin nearly 40 odd years later on Easter Sunday 2007… in the form of a retired City lawyer, from the days of Tai Pan, sitting at the next table.

“Really…? good stuff.. ” I replied, affably, but with what I hoped was the correct tone to indicate that I wished ‘to be alone’. It was too late to pretend I was Bulgarian and could not speak English.

So there I was… a couple of young professionals, but a few tables away, talking at each other and Mr Drone, to my right.

“Been to Church?”

I was looking intently at my laptop screen. The words appeared to come from above. I looked at the ceiling. I looked at my bottle of Claret. I had only had one glass.

“The Vicar had a few of us back for a glass of sherry after the service”

“Really…?”

“Yes… quite a few actually. Have to splice the mainbrace after sitting through all that without being able to charge fees at the end of it! ” a statement which provoked so much laughter from the speaker that I was concerned I may have to do a Heimlich manoeuvre on him.

“Oh Yes… Vicar did us a good sermon today…”

Mr Drone told me at length that he would have been in New York to advise on a merger but the US firm had ‘cocked up’ on timing… adding that he liked to take on important cases on a consultancy basis from time to time…

“Ah….”

I drained my glass, re-filled and lit a cigarette.

“Smoker Eh?…yes… used to smoke until the Doc said to me ‘My dear chap, unless you pack in the gaspers now you won’t be able to get it up when you are 65′.” Another burst of self satisfied laughter, gave me the opportunity to wave at the waitress and explain to the gentleman seated at the next table that I needed to concentrate on my work. He made a curious signal, tapping his finger against his nose and said “Got it…Roger… mustn’t stop a chap from his work “

“You are ready with your orders?”

I smiled at the waitress, trying not to look as if I had something to declare, and ordered a main course. I justified my lack of a first course, when questioned, by explaining that I may have a pudding. She seemed satisfied with my explanation and marched off.

It takes a rare talent to cook roast lamb badly, but only inhalation of super strength cannabis would suggest beetroot risotto and chilli jam is a sensible, or even suitable, accompaniment to lamb. The waitress looked at my plate, barely touched. The lemon meringue pie had the merit of being bought in. The wine was more than drinkable and, after negotiating my release without the aid of the Foreign Office, I returned to familiar surroundings.

I often listen to The Shipping Forecast on Radio 4 before heading for sleep.  Here is my Drinking Forecast, complete with ‘Drinking By’

listen (3-4 mins)

Well.. there we are.  Fin.  Adios for now…

Part 1 of UK Blawg Review #10 is below and linked  here

Part 2 of UK Blawg Review #10 is here

Part 3 of UK Blawg Review #10 is here

I am delighted to be hosting #10 of the UK Blawg Review roundup

Chrimbo with Charon (2): The Frenchie flag.. a study in white

The French Flag – a study in White (2011)
Acrylics on Board
Charon

In the wake of the truly absurd Frenchie comments about our absurd economy and government… I was inspired to do a study of the Frenchie flag.  It is, I have to admit, the fastest painting I have ever done in acrylics – 42 seconds.  Sorted!

Another addition to my series on F*ckArt and here are some more recent ones

As it happens… I am a fan of the French…always enjoy visiting France… but their politicos are just as dull as ours.

BUT… I did manage to shoehorn in a thought this morning…at dawn… and it was this…

Postcard from The Staterooms: Lord Chancellor Disingenuous F*ckArt edition….

Dear Reader

Lord Chancellor and  Secretary of State for Justice, Ken Clarke QC MP, one of the ‘big beasts’ in the Tory party, has been in politics for a long time – a former Chancellor of The Exchequer – and (until recently?) regarded as one of the more liberal and informed members of the current government.

It was therefore a surprise to watch him express the extraordinary view on a YouTube film briefing a group of backbench peers in the House of Lords  (I paraphrase) that an “army of lawyers were advancing behind a line of women and children…not concerned with the income of the profession.. but are  only concerned that these vulnerable clients  will be adversely affected if they are not paid at the rate they currently are.”

I don’t practise law and, therefore, I am not open to the disingenuous charge of ‘cowardice’ implicit in the ‘advancing behind a line of women and children’ metaphor.

We live in difficult times.  Money is tight.  We also live in a country proud to assist the vulnerable and poor overseas.  The overseas development aid budget is protected.  The cynical may see this Tory policy to be part of a strategy to project ‘soft power’ abroad and to ‘facilitate’ enthusiastic commercial involvement with Britain. We live in a country where charity thrives, where provision is made for the vulnerable not by government but by the people.  We live in a country where lawyers like the author of the Pink Tape blog – thankfully – are prepared to write in detail about the erosion of access to justice through the pillage of the legal aid budget.

Barrister Lucy Reed, author of Pink Tape, does the biz with this most interesting blog post.  I don’t really need to comment further, save to say.. using the old cliche… “I concur”.

Above is a working draft / construct for one of the paintings I shall be doing in December as part of F*ckART Returns.. I shall do some law blogging, of course… but I fancy taking a break from  the daily grind and return to the more surreal side of law and life…. there is no shortage of material to comment on.. be sure.  I have the first paint down on the canvas for the painting above. Francis Bacon aficionados will, of course, recognise the inspiration and derivation of the ‘style and setting’. I am toying with the idea of calling the painting…. Disingenuous 2011..

The original F*ckArt series may be viewed here... this year it may well be darker?   We shall see…. I may find that I get the Christmas spirit…and change my mind, of course!

Best for the coming Advent..

Charon

It isn’t always sunny in Tuscany… F*ckart returns in December….

Not a sunny day in Tuscany
Charon 2011 (ish)

I developed a taste for Italian wine and the language (which I speak astonishingly badly having completed 16 Chapters in the BBC book Buongiorno Italia) some years ago in Tuscany. Interestingly… it isn’t always sunny in Tuscany.  The Italians did, after all, have a word for ‘Ombrella’..and it wasn’t always for sun…

I feel like painting again… so… I hope to bring F*ckart back from 1 December…

 

I haz paints, boards, brushes and a KNIFE!!

 

 

The Times we live in…. bring back hanging? Dear gawd….. whatever next?

#Hackgate continues with coverage of possible computer hacking in the papers this morning Yesterday Christopher Jefferies, the man ‘monstered’ in some tabloids as the suspect in the Yates murder, has won substantial damages from eight newspapers and The Lord Chief Justice has handed down a very critical judgment holding The Mirror and The Sun in contempt of court

The Guardian reports:

Earlier on Friday, Jefferies accepted substantial libel damages from eight newspapers – including the Daily Mirror and the Sun – over stories relating to his arrest.

In the contempt ruling handed down at the high court on Friday, Lord Justice Thomas and Mr Justice Owen described the Daily Mirror articles as “extreme” and “substantial risks to the course of justice”.

The judges said the Sun’s coverage of Jefferies created a “very serious risk” that any future court defence would be damaged.

“These articles [in the Sun] would have certainly justified an abuse of process argument, and although their effect is not as grave as that of two series of articles contained in the Mirror, the vilification of Mr Jefferies created a very serious risk that the preparation of his defence would be damaged,” the judges said. “At the time when this edition of the Sun was published it created substantial risks to the course of justice. It therefore constituted a contempt under the strict liability rule.”

Attorney-General Dominic Grieve led the prosecution himself, unusually, and appears, rightly, to be taking a very hard line on the issue of contempt of court in relation to press and media reporting.

And then, this morning, the political blogger Guido Fawkes has started a petition to bring back the death penalty in the United Kingdom Apart from the irony of a blogger using the name  Guido Fawkes as a nom de plume to suggest such a petition, many have observed that this will do his blog stats no end of good, given the desire of many to bring back the death penalty.  I suspect that PM Camcorderdirect, relaxing in his Tuscan lair, having spent some time de-toxifying the Tory party, will be groaning as various (and sundry) Tory MPs have come out in favour.  The Sun has taken up the story.  Is Guido re-toxifying the Tory party for his own ends to bait them, to trap Tory and other MPs into declaring their position for subsequent vilification in media and social media?

I am against the death penalty on three grounds: (a) It is a barbaric penalty, suitable only for countries living under medieval concepts of justice (b) judges and juries are not infallible and (c) it goes against the foundations of  modern humanitarian and moral precepts of justice.  Quite apart from the fact that Britain would have difficulties remaining a member of the European Union if we bring back the death penalty (Members are required to sign up to the European Convention. Protocol 6  – restriction of death penalty. Requires parties to restrict the application of the death penalty to times of war or “imminent threat of war” –  Edit: and Protocol 13 – Complete abolition of death penalty in Council of Europe states) one just needs to remember the reason why the death penalty was abolished in Britain in  1965the case of Timothy Evans being but one important reason.

They say that 70% of the population in Britain would welcome a return of the death penalty – the argument of the ‘executioneers’ is that Parliament must impose the will of the majority.  To that, I have to repeat a statement I have used before – “5 million flies eat shit, but it does not follow that shit is good for us to eat” .

I suspect (I have no empirical evidence) that few High Court judges would seek return of the death penalty and, I suspect, that few barristers, defence barristers in particular, would welcome the return.

To use a ‘populist’ argument – as a fair few twitter users did this morning… “You don’t trust MPs on taxation, expenses, governance…so why do you want to hand power to them to hang people?” Res Ipsa Loquitur?

Well… there we are.  We shall see what happens with this latest ‘wheeze’ on the part of the right wing to bring our ‘green and pleasant land’ into their vision of control.   If the death penalty does come back… I suspect that Norway with  their mature, humane and inspiring  way of handling serious issues would be a good place to live in?

I did like this sensible tweet from a labour MP… he has a point!

And this is the level of debate that those who want to hang people rely on?  Absurd…. (Me, elitist?  I think not!)

Mr Gaunt is, apparently, a columnist…

I look forward to more ‘gems of reason’ from ‘Gaunty’…. I may have a long wait?

A human rights nazi?  Now that is a concept that may give Mr Gaunt something to chew on?

My fellow blogger, friend and podcaster – David Allen Green – takes up the theme, sensibly,  in a very well reasoned blog post…… I quote his ending…“The devil may well have the best tunes; but the liberals will usually turn out to have the better arguments.”  Well worth reading.

UPDATE Sunday 31 July 2011

Unfortunately… with public opinion… law gets in the way. Guido suggested that Article 2 permitted executions.  As @ObiterJ pointed out in the comments…. Protocol 13 ECHR makes a rather important legal point which public opinion should consider

Yes.. this is right…

PLEASE READ THIS…  excellent… beautifully written with some wonderful imagery… 

Hanging’s Too Good For ‘Em

Jerry Hayes is not a fan of the new e-Petitions. Not at all.

F*ckART…. a dead shark isn’t art… nor ‘Stuckart’… but it is topical at least?

By the way… if you didn’t know… this might be of interest…

STUCKISM

“Eddie Saunders caught a shark in 1989 and displayed it in his J.D. Electrical Supplies shop in Shoreditch, London (i.e. two years before Damien Hirst’s shark, a.k.a. The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living), but Eddie’s shark received no wider attention, until it was borrowed for A Dead Shark Isn’t Art exhibit in the window of the Stuckism International Gallery, 17 April – 18 July 2003. This exhibit opened the same day as the new Saatchi Gallery at County Hall, a centrepiece of which was the display of Hirst’s shark yet again.…”

It is unlikely that News Corpse will be buying this piece….

Met Boss Faces Questions Over Wallis Links

‘Ello, ‘ello, ‘ello what’s this then?

Would anyone like to give some money to Comic Relief for this self portrait?

Charon Self Portrait (In Three Colours) 2010
Acrylics on canvas board
20 x 16

Charon, with new tache,  goes to a field in a yellow shirt and jeans on a sunny windy day in May and paints a glass of red wine.  That is all

***

All you have to to do is undertake to give some money to Comic Relief.… you choose the amount  (I don’t mind how much you give – £1 or £1 million !)  and the first person to email me can have this bizarre self portrait from my F*ckArt series

Note: I will need your address to post the painting in a jiffy bag to you!

DELIGHTED… IT HAS BEEN BOUGHT! AND MONEY WILL BE SENT DIRECT TO COMIC RELIEF BY BUYER!  Catherine Naylor  of Justgodirect.co.uk who is fun!

F**kART: Dark Tuscan Sky 2010

Dark Tuscan Sky 2010
Charon
Acrylics and Dulux paint on Board

I went to Tuscany several times in the 1990s.  I enjoyed visiting this part of Italy – but I would have enjoyed it more had the skies been dark and slightly surreal.  I found an old photograph, drank some of Infobunny’s Damson Gin and some wine and painted.  Still not quite finished….. as I may make the sky even darker.  Doing the poppies was fun…. applied  with a cake icing bag full of undiluted Crimson RED as I wanted them to stand out on the board surface!  (Sky was Dulux paint mixed up applied with spray gun  – Obviously had to do that first. So.. if I want darker sky… a lot of brushwork ahead of me…. time consuming)

As I don’t have kids and can’t clone myself… I thought a Statue *In Memoriam*

Quite how I managed to come up with the idea of cloning myself and buying some petri dishes on twitter this afternoon… I have no idea – save, that I had done a decent day’s work, having started at 3.30 am this morning as usual, and felt that I may as well have a couple of glasses of Lebanese red wine at Mazaar in Battersea Square this afternoon  ( an excellent caff where I take breakfast every day, cooked by chef proprietor Marlon who is  very amusing and smokes Marlboro Red) – a late lunch, if you will.

I also noticed that there is now a very large (and fine) Christmas tree in the square.  There will be lights, I am told. This was another reason to celebrate.

As I don’t have children and do not have any plans to have them… my thoughts turned to the end of my *Line* when I finally go to the great Bar in the sky…. My line, I can trace to…. the time of my ancestor Julius Charonus who invaded Britain covertly long before the days of CIA rendition flights.   I have, therefore, as my *legacy*,  amused myself by doing a working ‘construct’ for a sculpture…. of myself…. drawing, rather heavily it has to be said, on the work of another of my ancestors Charonangelo.

It is entirely possible, if I continue to drink Lebanese red, that I shall be making this sculpture later……as part of my December 2010 F**kART series – coming soon!

That is all.

F**kART: “Evil Dave”

“Evil Dave” came from a well known web pic of David Cameron. Using my new *Painting by Numbers* technique; reducing tone and shape to essential colour blocks – I can knock these out quickly enough to stop me getting bored.  When I was in my early twenties one of my nicknames was ‘Risotto’ – ready in 20 minutes.  I tend to favour paintings or drawings which can be done quickly.  I blame all forms of government, modern technology and an inbuilt, but very British, tendency for shallowness and ephemera!

The split down the middle reflects my view that Cameron is, actually, a rather nice chap and  a true liberal;  but has to play Tory and do the business because he just happens to be our prime minister and leading a party, whose members, some of them, judging by their comments on blogs and other media, are orf the bleeding wall when it comes to humanity and caring for the interests of the wider community.   The title of the piece is a deliberate falsehood; consistent with the times we live in of smears, obfuscation, smuggery, Toby Youngery, venality, brutal self interest and crassness! (Just to get a few thoughts orf my chest)  – I don’t think Cameron is evil at all. In fact… I’d be quite happy to vote for him if he defected to Labour!

Having a glass or two and doing a bit on nonsense art (mixed media these days!)  keeps me amused.  I could be out raping the people of Britain by working in an investment bank or making things using child or foreign ‘slave’ labour and hedging my earnings offshore.  I’d rather earn a lot less and enjoy Britain.

F**KART: LEG!

This is LEG! – At the moment it is now in poster paint format and about 24 inches high….. BUT….  I am planning to turn it into a painting 6ft x 4ft.  This, I can tell you, is not going to be easy.  It is a friend’s leg, obviously – it is not easy painting one’s own leg… not even Picasso did it…nor Monet, Manet, Turner, Van Gogh, Rembrandt, Mondrian, Constable, Leonardo Da Vinci Code, Damien, Nick Leg…. none of them…. not one great artist has ever painted their own leg…. I am not a great artist, ipso facto… I paint other people’s legs…. or only one of them… in these days of CUTS… BIG SOCIETY… *We are all innit to win it*… sorry…. *We are all in it together*….  That is all.

Coming soon…..

OK… as @infobunny tweeted it – it is her leg!  I am always discreet….. and did not wish to reveal the owner of the LEG!

F**kART: A study in ‘Real Politik’

A study in ‘Real Politik’ (2010)
Charon
Painting by Numbers in Acrylics on canvas board from a photograph

Charon demonstrates here a technique not often used by artists these days. In the good old days the artist would have hidden himself in a darkened room and used a Camera ObscuraCharon did not wish to paint while hanging upside down like Holbein , so used 21st century techniques to roughly the same effect…except he made it even simpler for himself.  Here,  he takes a photograph from the net of a popular politician, faffs about in Photoshop to make it easier to paint later, and then, using a restricted colour palette and a ‘painting by numbers’ technique, produces a graphic image of a popular politician in the prime of his decline.  It was then a relatively simple matter to stick a speech bubble on with glue.    It may be that this ‘work’ will attract international interest and will be priced accordingly when Charon returns from the bar in Chelsea where he has now gone to reflect upon the meaning of art, life and the text he had from a well known footballer who sent him a picture of his penis.  As I am neither gay nor a football fan I can only assume that the footballer is (a) both (b) thinks I sing in a girl band or (c) can’t work his mobile.

F**kArt: Assertive Banana

I was a bit irritated this morning after phoning five accounts departments to see why they hadn’t dealt with my invoices as requested.  Two didn’t even have the invoice.  One said that the department had my invoice but had forgotten to deal with it and two of the departments were in India.  Dealing with accounts departments in India – outsourcing they call it – is wonderful for the organisation’s cashflow.  For the supplier who expects to be paid it is sheer hell dealing with them.  I gave up and reached into my fruit bowl for a banana.

It was at this point, as I peeled the banana, that I thought to myself…“If this banana could speak… what would it have said to the accounts departments?”  It was but a short leap to get my clay and paints out and make a talking banana.

What would the talking banana have said?   I can tell you… it would have said this….

“Get your farkin ass in gear and pay the man…. or the other bananas get it….Capische?!!”

F**kART: Smokedo – Elephant with attitude

Regular readers will be familiar with the fact that I am a 30adayDan in Smokedo. I still continue to practise the arcane art of smoking while I do weights and press-ups et al.  Now, a recycled elephant is in on the action.  Discerning viewers will note the subtle touch of using a match with the tip painted red for a Marlboro.

To be honest… I was a bit bored this afternoon.  There is only so much writing about Tort a man can stand.

F**kART: F**k Nose?

F**K Nose?
Charon
Green nose, and playing card cut into a ? mark shape.
2010

I appear to be having a *Nose* period… and to complement my recent Who Nose?... here is another…. more subtle… a sense of scale being provided by a pint glass nicked from a pub, possibly, and a bottle of orange squash – empty.  The 1960s retro kitchen tiles provide an element of kitsch… but they aren’t mine… sadly.  The King of Clubs playing card (cut into the shape of a ? mark)  – from the 1960s –  was a deliberate choice… but I won’t say why.

I’d like to be able to say that amusement at recent Coalition government pronouncements on Justice  prompted the thought ‘Who knows?”and inspired the ‘piece’ … but that would just be silly… of course our new government knows what it is doing…..

Observations at the end of a grey day on T’Square – The World Cup

I haven’t become a Mason over the weekend – being on T’Square in this instance is a reference to Battersea Square.

At the end of a cold grey day, I went off to sit in the  Square with some paper to make a ‘to do’ list over a cup of coffee and a few Marlboros.  I soon got bored with my ‘to do’ list after solemnly heading it “To Do List” and underlining it in black felt tip. I crumpled it up and stuffed it into my ‘man bag’ – a rough canvas thing which allows me to transport all the essential of my life should I leave my Staterooms.  And then, at a table nearby, I heard a  couple of blokes chatting about football over a beer.  When I say chatting… it was more guttural;  a language and style I enjoy listening to but not wholly familiar with in terms of its finer points. Listening discreetly, and drawing on years of forensic nosiness experience,  I came to the conclusion that both men were suffering from terminal Tourettes.   There was mention of Lampard, Rooney, Ferdinand (this was accompanied by the commentary…“What a f**king wanker… wussy f**king f**ker for getting f**king injured….f**ker and the response… “Yeah… what a f**king f**ker.”) and Fabio… or Eyetieman as one of the blokes was calling him in a spirit of European co-operation and gratitude.

I am, of course used to this language – Chelsea and Chelsea FC being just across the bridge and….  being involved in the law, the nouns and adjectives used are  those I have heard in more august surroundings and Inn dinners and, indeed, in Leith’s at The Law Society.

I got my felt tip pen and biro out and a sheet of A4. The drawing of two blokes talking bollocks is too cruel for publication, so I crumpled that up as well.  I drew a Munch parody instead (with a twist of law … this being a law blog and that) – mustering as much detail as I could remember from my private study of ‘Fine Art’ many years ago – and there’s another racket if ever I saw one.

I’ve been studying minimalism over the weekend – I think I shall turn this into a very large painting… won’t take long. It’s not an original concept, of course – this style is used in fashion art, where I drew the influence from.  It could look quite striking on white canvas about 6ft x 3ft?

I do, however, have to try my idea of making a life size torso and head of a barrister out of wire coat hangers (my earlier post) first.  I suspect that this may prove beyond me… we shall soon find out.  I have to buy some wire clippers and solder.  This will give me an opportunity to buy one of those welding torches…. which could be interesting if I decide that I have to make ‘things’ with it later on in the evening.

F**kART: Bingethinking CSI (2010)

It may be that I have lost the plot… but if there is one there… why not go and lose it?  Made a change from painting. Took a bit longer too. I’ve now got superglue and clay stuck all over my hands… and, a bit of blue and orange paint.  Classy!

***

It might help to explain that I enjoy science programmes where people dig up a skeleton from 2000 years ago, wear weird coloured pullovers  and make the skull look like Nick Clegg with clay… they use a lot of matchsticks when they do these *reconstructions*.

I would also like to put in a word for my *Green* credentials:  I wore those black reading  glasses for four years.  I stood on them when I was a bit over refreshed a couple of weeks ago.  I am pleased to recycle.  That is all.

F**kART: Charon’s brain – Neurones!

Neurones!
Charon
2010
Acrylic and white pen on board

Inspired by a science programme on BBC2 last night about who we are and  a section on neurons, I decided that I should do a painting of my own brain.  Inevitably, this did not take long.

The red wine flooding through my brain is picked up subtly with a lot of red paint.  The Mad Hatter Tea Party an entirely appropriate metaphor for part of my life

A larger version may be viewed here.

Other paintings in my F**kART series may be viewed here

PS… I am calling my neurons neurones…. OK with that?

F**kART: *LAPIN*! (2010)

LAPIN!  (2010)
Charon
Acrylics on canvas board

Lapin is a friend – a surrealist, photographer and voracious reader of books. I thought the PopArt style was about right and based it on a pic she took of herself recently.

I still have to tart up the yellow border colour and sharpen up the highlights and a bit of blue – this I will do when the paint dries

F**kART: Coalition! (2010)

Coalition! (2010)
Charon
22 x 18 Acrylics on canvas board

Cameron is portrayed as a Captain America pastiche and the deputy prime minister, Clegg, as a spiderman type giving the bird with both fingers. They stand on a sea of choppy yellow water!  The ‘bird’ motif is perhaps ‘inelegant’ – but some of his voters think he did give them the ‘bird’ by getting into bed with Dave.

F**kART: GREEN! – A study in perception

Green! (2010)
Charon after a drink period
Spray can paint on board, matches, a cigarette and a box on board
Charon

On this day… when Britain had a change of  prime minister and government, I amused myself with creating a ‘painting’… well.. more of a collage.  It is, as with all my paintings, complete nonsense, but reflects attitudes to size and the importance and perception of size.  Is it a big box of fags (cigarettes.. not some unusual creature at Eton)  or a very small box of matches? Well… a bit like the Lib-Dems, sometimes… size really does not matter.

I rather enjoyed calling today’s ‘painting’ – Green! I am, of course, as a professional smoker…very green.  I am sure there will be many in this green and sceptred isle of ours who are green with envy that their party is no longer in power.  I’m not – see below.

I plan to sell it and finance my FREE resource materials on Insite Law for students  with the proceeds!  It is ‘signed’  🙂

F**kART Returns!: Nokiaman won the election

The final pic in the election series. I do drafts first on paper before painting sometimes.  Here is a draft… not painted yet… may never be.  There are two others – painted in acrylics and spray can paint!  Obviously – all three are modelled on artwork done by the real artists who create these wonderful superhero characters.  Mine are poor imitations – but kept me amused over the weekend.  Nokiaman… just had to be red.

Law Review: Self defence, murder by love, assisted dying.. and other matters….

There were two important criminal law cases yesterday:  The so-called ‘have a go hero’ case and the case of a mother who killed her son through love.

Munir Hussain
The Independent reports:
“A businessman jailed for seriously injuring an intruder after the lives of his family were threatened by knife-wielding burglars in their home was shown “mercy” and freed by senior judges today. The Lord Chief Justice, Lord Judge, sitting at the Court of Appeal in London with two other judges, replaced 53-year-old Munir Hussain’s 30-month prison term with one of two years, and ordered that it should be suspended.”

The facts of this case are well known.  The case caused an outcry, prompting politicians  to respond ‘robustly’. Many lawyers took the view that the self defence, reasonable and proportionate force,  laws in this country are sufficient.  Many, including me, felt that the trial judge was right to sentence Mr Hussain and his brother to prison.  Chasing someone down the road and battering them so badly with a cricket bat that the bat broke and the victim suffered serious injury is not self defence.  It may well be a completely understandable reaction, but no matter how one looks at it, it is retribution.  It is vengeance.  iIt is taking the law into your own hands.

Today the Court of Appeal, headed by the Lord Chief Justice, Lord judge, freed Mr Hussain – but not his brother.  Mr Hussain was given a suspended sentence of one year.  His brother had his sentence reduced to a very merciful one year.The brother had not been subjected to threat and violence during the burglary.

The Independent noted: “Lord Judge said: “This trial had nothing to do with the right of the householder to defend themselves or their families or their homes…… (lord judge rehearsed the violence of the tack on the burglar)…..this was “not an ordinary or normal case or one that falls within the overwhelming majority of cases, not least because of the character of the two appellants”.

I have not read the judgment, so I am reliant on the Independent report. That being said.. this appears to be the key point..“Involvement in this serious violence can only be understood as a response to the dreadful and terrifying ordeal and the emotional anguish which he had undergone.”

This is not a precedent directly in the sense of being a licence for retribution.  These were exceptional circumstances. I watched a BBC report later in the day.  An ex senior police officer and a probation officer were brought on.  The probation officer said that experts, judges, commentators, lawyers and others can say what they like and it won’t make a blind bit of difference to public opinion.  The public, the probation officer said, were alienated from the criminal justice system and we only had ourselves to blame because we are not tough enough on young career criminals. The Police officer reinforced the sense in the judgment but did say that provided reasonable force is used when an intrusion is taking place, prosecution is unlikely.

We are good at shades of grey.  Our legal system is built upon flexibility. Too much definition or strict liability can lead to inflexibility and injustice. Today’s decision may well be one of those classic fudges where the rule and principle of law is upheld, the law emphasised by an experienced judge, and a degree of ‘mercy’ applied.  I’m not against that  type of justice.  I think quite a few people would suffer from a red mist after an intrusion. The thing is, would we have beat a man so badly with a cricket bat?  I’m not so sure and for that reason, I would prefer  not to see the law changed and in exceptional trouble cases… there is always the objectivity of  appeal.

//

‘Mercy killing’ mother is jailed for life

The Independent reports: A mother who gave her brain-damaged son a lethal heroin injection to end his “living hell” was told today she must serve at least nine years in jail. Frances Inglis, 57, was given a life sentence for killing 22-year-old son Tom after he suffered severe head injuries when he fell out of a moving ambulance.

Reports reveal that Mrs Inglis made two attempts to kill her son, not believing medical advice that the son was showing signs of recovery, to put him out his misery.  The judge made the very important point,while acknowledging that her motives were born of love…“What you did was to take upon yourself what you thought your son’s wishes would have been, to relieve him from what you described as a living hell…..But you cannot take the law into your own hands and you cannot take away life, however compelling you think the reason. You have to take responsibility for what you did.”


Now the Royal College of Physicians slams the DPP’s plans for euthanasia

The Telegraph reports: “Poor Keir Starmer, the luckless Director of Public Prosecutions forced by some simpering Law Lords, who fancy the idea of euthanasia, into the impossible task of “clarifying” when it’s okay to assist someone to kill themselves, keeps being slapped down by medical professionals.

The British Medical Association and the General Medical Council have already made it abundantly clear that they want no part in voluntary euthanasia becoming a clinical practice. Now the estimable Royal College of Physicians, the professional body representing over 20,000 physicians that “aims to improve the quality of patient care by continually raising medical standards”, has weighed in with a strongly worded letter to the DPP.

“We would go so far as to say”, writes the College’s Registrar, Dr Rodney Burnham, “that any clinician who has been part, in any way, of assisting a suicide death should be subject to prosecution.”

I did a podcast on this topic with Lord Falconer (Listen to the podcast )  – an opposing view. Also with the DPP, Keir Starmer QC (Listen to the podcast)

THE SUPREME COURT

Twelfth Justice – How are we getting on?

“We thought that it was time to have an update on the appointment process for the twelfth justice.  As our readers will recall, some time ago applications for this post were invited – with a closing date of 26 October 2009. Since then, there have been no official announcements.   There was much press speculation about the possible candidacy of Mr Jonathan Sumption QC.  However, in December 2009 he announced that he was withdrawing his candidacy….

The saga goes on… but it is an important one….

***

Jackson costs review divides market

I have read Jackson LJ’s report – thankfully this article from The Lawyer relieves me of the need to explore some of the more problematic issues – and it comes straight from the mouths of the people at the coal face.  I enjoyed reading it.  Definitely worth a read.

***

And a bit of Social Media  Mavenry and Gurudom for the weekend, Sir, Madam?

As regular readers know… I am not enthusiastic about mavens or gurus droning on about social media – but I do like Brian Inkster and Chris Sherliker,  who are both regular twitterers… so I shall make one final exception. They usually make sense, so perhaps they will take a different view to a lot of the nonsense I have seen on the net about twitter and other social media and how lawyers can benefit. Brian wrote and asked me if I could flag this up… knowing of my views!. Of course… a pleasure….

This Friday, 22 January, at 3.30pm you can learn how UK lawyers are using social media. American Attorney and social media expert, Adrian Dayton, will be interviewing Glasgow Solicitor, Brian Inkster of Inksters Solicitors, and London Solicitor, Chris Sherliker of Silverman Sherliker, about their experiences particularly with Twitter. Adrian will be seeking to find out whether things are really that different in the UK from the US.  Are lawyers in the UK and abroad using social media to make connections and bring in business?  Or are UK lawyers too serious for Twitter? You can listen and join in by way of a free conference call by registering in advance at: http://adriandayton.com/2010/01/how-uk-lawyers-are-using-social-media/

I may, of course, listen in… so if they do talk nonsense, I shall run amok.  They would, I am sure, expect nothing less.  🙂

The Social Media Maven pronounces (2010)
Oil on Canvas
Charon

In the Collection of @ScottGreenfield

The painting comes from my F**kArt series. I have a couple to finish and then I start on tmy Surrealist period of paintings in late January!

PS… I will be posting out paintings to recipients soon… I am just a bit behind on my life at the moment… mea culpa.

 

F**kART: The Complete Series… possibly

“Evil Dave” came from a well known web pic of David Cameron. Using my new *Painting by Numbers* technique; reducing tone and shape to essential colour blocks – I can knock these out quickly enough to stop me getting bored.  When I was in my early twenties one of my nicknames was ‘Risotto’ – ready in 20 minutes.  I tend to favour paintings or drawings which can be done quickly.  I blame all forms of government, modern technology and an inbuilt, but very British, tendency for shallowness and ephemera!

The split down the middle reflects my view that Cameron is, actually, a rather nice chap and  a true liberal;  but has to play Tory and do the business because he just happens to be our prime minister and leading a party, whose members, some of them, judging by their comments on blogs and other media, are orf the bleeding wall when it comes to humanity and caring for the interests of the wider community.   The title of the piece is a deliberate falsehood; consistent with the times we live in of smears, obfuscation, smuggery, Toby Youngery, venality, brutal self interest and crassness! (Just to get a few thoughts orf my chest)  – I don’t think Cameron is evil at all. In fact… I’d be quite happy to vote for him if he defected to Labour!

Having a glass or two and doing a bit on nonsense art (mixed media these days!)  keeps me amused.  I could be out raping the people of Britain by working in an investment bank or making things using child or foreign ‘slave’ labour and hedging my earnings offshore.  I’d rather earn a lot less and enjoy Britain.

This is LEG! – At the moment it is now in poster paint format and about 24 inches high….. BUT….  I am planning to turn it into a painting 6ft x 4ft.  This, I can tell you, is not going to be easy.  It is a friend’s leg, obviously – it is not easy painting one’s own leg… not even Picasso did it…nor Monet, Manet, Turner, Van Gogh, Rembrandt, Mondrian, Constable, Leonardo Da Vinci Code, Damien, Nick Leg…. none of them…. not one great artist has ever painted their own leg…. I am not a great artist, ipso facto… I paint other people’s legs…. or only one of them… in these days of CUTS… BIG SOCIETY… *We are all innit to win it*… sorry…. *We are all in it together*….  That is all.

Coming soon…..

OK… as @infobunny tweeted it – it is her leg!  I am always discreet….. and did not wish to reveal the owner of the LEG!

 

 

A study in ‘Real Politik’ (2010)
Charon
Painting by Numbers in Acrylics on canvas board from a photograph

Charon demonstrates here a technique not often used by artists these days. In the good old days the artist would have hidden himself in a darkened room and used a Camera ObscuraCharon did not wish to paint while hanging upside down like Holbein , so used 21st century techniques to roughly the same effect…except he made it even simpler for himself.  Here,  he takes a photograph from the website of a popular politician, faffs about in Photoshop to make it easier to paint later, and then, using a restricted colour palette and a ‘painting by numbers’ technique, produces a graphic image of a popular politician in the prime of his decline.  It was then a relatively simple matter to stick a speech bubble on with glue.    It may be that this ‘work’ will attract international interest and will be priced accordingly when Charon returns from the bar in Chelsea where has now gone to reflect upon the meaning of art, life and the text he had from a well known footballer who sent him a picture of his penis.

I was a bit irritated this morning after phoning five accounts departments to see why they hadn’t dealt with my invoices as requested.  Two didn’t even have the invoice.  One said that the department had my invoice but had forgotten to deal with it and two of the departments were in India.  Dealing with accounts departments in India – outsourcing they call it – is wonderful for the organisation’s cashflow.  For the supplier who expects to be paid it is sheer hell dealing with them.  I gave up and reached into my fruit bowl for a banana.

It was at this point, as I peeled the banana, that I thought to myself…“If this banana could speak… what would it have said to the accounts departments?”  It was but a short leap to get my clay and paints out and make a talking banana.

What would the talking banana have said?   I can tell you… it would have said this….

“Get your farkin ass in gear and pay the man…. or the other bananas get it….Capische?!!”

Regular readers will be familiar with the fact that I am a 30adayDan in Smokedo. I still continue to practise the arcane art of smoking while I do weights and press-ups et al.  Now, a recycled elephant is in on the action.  Discerning viewers will note the subtle touch of using a match with the tip painted red for a Marlboro.

To be honest… I was a bit bored this afternoon.  There is only so much writing about Tort a man can stand.

F**K Nose?
Charon
Green nose, and playing card cut into a ? mark shape.
2010

I appear to be having a *Nose* period… and to complement my recent Who Nose?... here is another…. more subtle… a sense of scale being provided by a pint glass nicked from a pub, possibly, and a bottle of orange squash – empty.  The 1960s retro kitchen tiles provide an element of kitsch… but they aren’t mine… sadly.  The King of Clubs playing card (cut into the shape of a ? mark)  – from the 1960s –  was a deliberate choice… but I won’t say why.

I’d like to be able to say that amusement at recent Coalition government pronouncements on Justice  prompted the thought ‘Who knows?”and inspired the ‘piece’ … but that would just be silly… of course our new government knows what it is doing…..

***

***

In The Collection of Alyson Jackson of Mish-Mash

Coathanger Lawyers, Biro on paper
Charon

Thinking of making life size Torso and head of a barrister out of wire coathangers.  I have quite a few wire coathangers.

It may be that I have lost the plot… but if there is one there… why not go and lose it?  Made a change from painting. Took a bit longer too. I’ve now got superglue and clay stuck all over my hands… and, a bit of blue and orange paint.  Classy!

***

It might help to explain that I enjoy science programmes where people dig up a skeleton from 2000 years ago, wear weird coloured pullovers  and make the skull look like Nick Clegg with clay… they use a lot of matchsticks when they do these *reconstructions*.

I would also like to put in a word for my *Green* credentials:  I wore those black reading  glasses for four years.  I stood on them when I was a bit over refreshed a couple of weeks ago.  I am pleased to recycle.  That is all.

Neurones!
Charon
2010
Acrylic and white pen on board

Inspired by a science programme on BBC2 last night about who we are and  a section on neurons, I decided that I should do a painting of my own brain.  Inevitably, this did not take long.

The red wine flooding through my brain is picked up subtly with a lot of red paint.  The Mad Hatter Tea Party an entirely appropriate metaphor for part of my life

A larger version may be viewed here.

Other paintings in my F**kART series may be viewed here

PS… I am calling my neurons neurones…. OK with that?

 

 

 

 

Lapin! (2010)
Charon
Acrylics on canvas board

 

Lapin is a friend – a surrealist, photographer and voracious reader of books. I thought the PopArt style was about right and based it on a pic she took of herself recently.

 

 

 

Coalition! (2010)
Charon
22 x 18 Acrylics on canvas board

Cameron is portrayed as Captain America pastiche and the deputy prime minister, Clegg, as a spiderman type giving the bird with both fingers.  This is perhaps ‘inelegant’ – but some of his voters think he did by getting into bed with Dave.

Available for sale by arrangement!

Proceeds if sold go to fund the Free resources for students on Insite Law – although I may also buy a bottle of vino for myself to fuel the next painting! New politics – new transparency)

Charon Self Portrait (In Three Colours) 2010
Acrylics on canvas board
20 x 16

Charon, with new tache,  goes to a field in a yellow shirt and jeans on a sunny windy day in May and paints a glass of red wine.  That is all

Green! (2010)

Charon after a drink period
Spray can paint on board, matches, a cigarette and a box on board
Charon

On this day… when Britain had a change of  prime minister and government, I amused myself with creating a ‘painting’… well.. more of a collage.  It is, as with all my paintings, complete nonsense, but reflects attitudes to size and the importance and perception of size.  Is it a big box of fags (cigarettes.. not some unusual creature at Eton)  or a very small box of matches? Well… a bit like the Lib-Dems, sometimes… size really does not matter.

 

Nokiaman won the election

The final pic in the election series. I do drafts first on paper before painting sometimes.  Here is a draft… not painted yet… may never be.  There are two others – painted in acrylics and spray can paint!  Obviously – all three are modelled on artwork done by the real artists who create these wonderful superhero characters.  Mine are poor imitations – but kept me amused over the weekend.  Nokiaman… just had to be red.

 

CaptainCamCan: A study in working with fiends (sic)

 

 

Cleggoman:  A Study in Blue & Yellow

 

 

Barristerman
Pencil on paper
Charon
2010

As the Christmas season began in early December, and work trailed off in terms of new work from clients etc, I decided to amuse myself  by doing some painting.  The F**kART series, a mildly surreal  ‘homage’ /  pastiche to / of  Britart ends on 31st December.  Here are all the paintings in the series in reverse order….. with the accompanying text.  I plan to stop the series on New Year’s Eve/early New Year … possibly and will add the new ones this coming week as I do them.


The Social Media Maven pronounces (2010)
Oil on Canvas
Charon

In the Collection of @ScottGreenfield

And it came to pass, when the Maven came down from the mount with the two tables of twitter rules  in Maven’s hand, when he came down from the mount, that Maven wist not that the skin of his face shone while he talked with him. And when @stephenfry and all the children of twitter saw the Maven, behold, the skin of his face shone; and they were afraid to come nigh him.

And the Maven said… I have been a stranger in a strange land…. and I say unto you…whatever you tweet…happens…

 

Will he ring? (2010)
Oil on Canvas
Charon

In the Collection of @abeautifulmind1

I don’t read comics now (I did as a child) but I am a fan of the art and, of course, a great artist: Roy Lichtenstein. I claim absolutely no credit for this other than a few brush strokes but I wanted one painting in this style for the pack!

Green Dancer
Oil on Canvas
Charon

In the Collection of @Little_Lawyer

“Charon does like to take a knife to a painting….”

Butchery Today

 

Let There Be Greed (2009)
Oil on Canvas
Charon

In the Collection of @MarkHendy

001:001 In the beginning God created bankers and the earth.

001:002 And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was
upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon
the face of Canary Wharf.

001:003 And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.

001:004 And the Bankers saw the greed, that it was good: and they divided the
good from the overdrawn.

In the beginning: A history of British Banking

A larger version of the painting may be viewed here

I’ll Passmore on this (2009)
Oil on Canvas
Charon

In the Collection of @alison99

Geometry was a bit of a mystery to the young Charon – but over time, and through necessity, he came to understand the principles. Now geometry fascinates Charon more in the shape than the practical application and for the possibilities of optical illusion. If one looks at the two circles in the middle of the painting; soon one sees a cylinder, for the brain fills in the lines to connect the circles…and then the cylinders appear to change direction. I put this to Charon. He told me: “See what you like, mate…. When I look into the circle at the bottom left, I am looking down into a wine bottle and it has wine in it… this is good. When I look at the circle on the right, I am looking down into the bottle and there is no wine in it and I can even see the bar code. This is not good. When I look at the circle top right… it is the morning after and things, sometimes, are a bit bright. I have no idea who did the circles and geometry in the middle… it is possible that I may have been burgled during the night.”

Geometry Today, BBC Radio 4

A larger version of the painting may be viewed here

Other paintings in the F**KART series may be viewed here.

***

“We know….about Quantum Physics”
Oil and Spray can paint on canvas
Charon

In the Collection of @Oedipus_Lex

Some time ago, I had a most enjoyable – but very bizarre – evening in Battersea with Johnny Biltong, Tonto Popadopolous and George.  @Oedipus_Lex, a friend met through Twitter and, it is fair to say, a man who knows how to enjoy good red wine…and liberate it…  joined us.  It was one of those nights… in fact , almost an allnighter, where the conversation turned…. suddenly, to quantum physics and Black Holes – possibly because I had encouraged George to change the subject which he had been extemporising on, randomly,  for some time.

The use of Orange in the lower left section symbolises Swine flu and other viruses… yeah right!  I got luck with a spray can.

***

I decided that I wanted to mark this remarkable evening with a painting about quantum physics – which somehow, ‘captured’ the insanity of a rather loud and amusing evening.  It is also, I suppose, a small poke at ‘Abstractionism’.

A larger version of the ‘work’ is here

***

Red Dancing
Oil on Canvas
Charon

In the Collection of Amy

“Charon rarely draws or paints figures – largely because they are a bit more difficult than sticking fake jewellery on badly drawn sharks…but he has made an exception with this dancer based on a fashion designer style. Charon was having lunch, as he does most Sundays, at a local pub the weekend before Christmas. The team at the pub are great – they ensure that Charon can have roast chicken each Sunday even when it is not on the official ‘menu’.  One of the waitresses, Amy, who is doing Chemistry at university (Charon did Geophysics and Geochemistry for one short year many years ago) asked him what he was doing for Christmas.  ‘Drinking and painting’ was Charon’s reply.  When it became clear that Charon was not planning some orgy of DIY decorating and wallpapering over the festive season, Amy asked if Charon could do a painting for her.  While Charon was enthusiastic  about the possibility of painting a roast chicken he did feel that Amy might not be so enthusiastic about such a subject…. a  RED dancer seemed an appropriate theme!”

Sunday Lunch Magazine

A larger version of the painting is here

***

Christmas ‘09 (2009)
Oil on Canvas
Charonasso

In the Collection of Gerry Wateridge

“Charon spent Christmas drinking Italian reds, listening to Verdi and Puccini, and amusing himself on Twitter and Skype video. He had, he told me, been dreaming of a White Christmas but it was not to be. He couldn’t explain why he painted himself, based on a well known painting by Picasso, dressed in blue underpants and a vest – because he doesn’t have any blue underpants or vests.  He does, however, have red wine, rather a lot of it, and red and green feature strongly in his main ’studio’. I noted the use of a knife in covering a fair part of this canvas with paint.  Charon told me that he liked to use knives while painting… they did the business.”

In Conversation with Charon, Tuscan Wine Quarterly

A larger version of this painting may be viewed here

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You’ll believe a man can fly – Riojaman! (2009)

Oil on Canvas
Charon

In the Collection of @Colmmu

“In this latest Marvel inspired piece from Charon’s ‘Superhero Period’ Charon achieves his ultimate ambition – transmogrification into a bottle of Rioja and superhero to boot.  The detail in building a cork into the headgear of the figure can only be marvelled at… not in terms of the brushwork or skill, for there is little of the latter in evidence – but marvel in the sense of….at what goes on inside Charon’s head.

Much of this painting was, in fact, painted while flying on a rather good bottle of … you guessed it… RIOJA…available at Oddbins and all good wine merchants £9.99″

Topers Monthly

A larger version of the painting may be viewed here

***

A larger version of the original painting may be viewed here


In the Collection of Geeklawyer (The painting…that is)

***

Barristerman! (2009)
Oil on Canvas
Charon

Charon read too many Marvel comics when he was a kid…and he likes Roy Lichtenstein….nuff said.

In the Collection of Diana

A larger version of the actual painting may be viewed here

***

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into an art gallery (2009)
Oil, Diamonds and Sapphires on Canvas
Charon

The original may be viewed here

“When Damien Hurst produced his diamond encrusted skull some time back, I remember getting a call from Charon.  It is fair to say that he was over refreshed at the time.  He asked if I had seen the seminal work by Hurst.  I told him that I had.  Charon said, enthusiasm clear in his voice:  “Fantastic nonsense.  I’m going to do a tribute.  I mean…how difficult can it be to stick a few diamonds onto a canvas and flog it? …..to some corporate and even add a bit of VAT to help the government?”

I heard no more of this ‘project’ until a few weeks ago when Charon appeared on the BBC Antiques Roadshow programme trying to get his ‘work’ valued for ‘insurance purposes’. Apparently this latest work’ is going to feature on one  or other, or possibly both of the daytime TV shows  Flog It and  Trash in the Attic fairly soon.  I am pleased to say, having spoken to Charon at a bar in Chelsea recently, that he has tired of sticking diamonds onto paintings which otherwise take him about ten minutes to do (excluding drying time, which he charges for by the hour), that he has moved on.”

James Scraatchi, Royalty & Hounds Review

***

Charon Cubist Sunday (2009)
Oil and bits on canvas
Charon
“Charon lives on the Medway.  From his balcony he can see yachts sailing by –  some with coloured sails.  Sundays are fairly lazy days for Charon – he eats a roast chicken every Sunday, cooked for him by a good chef at the local pub,  even when chicken is not on the menu.  When Charon is having a cubist Sunday it amuses him to be the only person in the pub restaurant eating roast chicken. He likes it when people at other tables say “That man over there is eating roast chicken.  It’s not even on the menu’. The Observer and Rioja feature every Sunday, ineluctably. The green post-it card is used by Charon to remind him to pick up ’supplies’ – cigarettes, Rioja, milk, general shopping and prawns. I asked Charon why there were fleur-de-lis on the blue panel top left.  He told me that he had a small  fleur-de-lis tattoo on his arse.  I made my excuses and left. I felt that I couldn’t intrude and ask him about the fish and the red and white tennis rackets.”

Chatham & Rochester ArtReview.

A larger version of the original painting may be viewed here.

***

Ben had been a bad boy in 2009 – so we had to extraordinarily rendite him
Oil on canvas (2009)
Charon

In the Collection of @mrcivlib

A larger version may be viewed here

The Snowman is well known, so I just could not resist a slightly twisted take on it.  Delighted that M CivLib was interested in taking this piece.

A friend of mine asked if I had a particularly difficult childhood.  I didn’t.  I had a good one, fortunately.  I may, however, have overdone the juice when I came up with this idea.

***

“Continuing his theme, and because he is a bit bored, Charondigliani was taken by the first snow of Winter today. He was also traumatised by Snow White and the Seven Investment Bankers many years ago as a ‘difficult’ child. .  Charondigliani’s use of his drug of choice – Rioja – was clearly an inspiration behind this ‘work’.  No automobile spraycan paint was used in this – but Charondigliani did use some chalk to create that subtle translucence so necessary to suggest a degree of bollocks in modern painting. Cokehead, Charondigliani’s parrot was also most taken with this painting. When it was first exhibited,  a Police Community Support Officer arrested Charondigliani under the Terrorism Act for being in possession of a ‘Class A’ painting. Fortunately, a senior Metropolitan Police Officer friend of Charondigliani was able to tell the PCSO to stop being stupid and go back to eating buns on street corners with his PCSO mates.”Police Community Support Officer Review

Snow White Snorting Coke
Oil and Chalk on Canvas (2009)

Charondigliani

In the Collection of Geeklawyer

A larger version of the painting may be viewed here.

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Charon’s series of Christmas Paintings start with a ‘homage’ to a favoured artist – Dali. The next Christmas painting will be ‘Snow White Snorts Snow’ in the style of Charondigliani.The Cross after Dali (2009)
Oil on Canvas

Charon
A larger version of the painting may be viewed here

In the Collection of @Jaffne

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The Fuckpig
Oil on Canvas 2009
Charon
In The Collection of Paul West

“Charon clearly has way too much time on his hands during this pre-Christmas period.  This is largely because no-one wants to do any business with him because his clients are all attending Christmas parties or farting around on Twitter. This was fine with Charon because it allowed him to continue his ‘homage’ to BritArt.  In this very simple minded allegory, Charon nuances the subtlety of those least revered in our society at present – and who may not be with us for much longer: The Bankers.

Charon was amused by a cartoon he saw on the web – unfortunately the cartoon was too small to reveal the cartoonists name – but he has been able to capture the essence of the ‘genre’ here.  Charon is quite clear in his resolve that the painting bears no resemblance whatsoever to any person living or dead, whether to be found at Canary Wharf or, indeed, any bank in the British Isles.”

National Banker Magazine

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Charonasso continues his ‘homage’ to F**kART with this latest  peice from his ‘Blue and Orange  pissed period’ – a self portrait with red wine glass.  As usual the artist has used automobile spray can paint to lay down a neo-ironic foundation and then, and this is clear from the brushwork, as the Rioja takes hold, paint is used with fervour, boldness and a lack of skill which brings to this work a degree of almost bucolic naivety.  The artist does know how to draw and is aware that eyes don’t in life appear as they are represented.  Scholars now believe that Charonasso was trying to signal to  other Masons that he wasn’t just ‘a’ Mason, but that he was two Masons in the one body. The painting is signed.Self portrait but was a bit pissed (2009)
Charonasso
14 December 2009

(A larger image is available here)

In the Collection of @bureauista

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The picture above shows Fuckerflies – the first painting in the series and Erudite Elephants II

In his guise as a modern artiste Charondrian,  in his latest nonsense, reflects on the political creation of modern Africa as seen through the eyes of an erudite elephant.

“The white ‘Mondrian’ lines represent the linear boundaries between many countries in Africa.  The colours reflect the colours used in many african  flags today and the black handprint (Charondrians’s own) a metaphor for landgrab from both whites and blacks. The Elephant, as a species, will probably live on Earth forever. The spots suggest conflicts and trouble spots – but also hint that the fumes from the vandalpaint spray cans favoured by the ‘artist’ may have been getting the better of Charondrian.”
Loft Laggers Monthly Art Review

Erudite Elephant II – The Politics of Modern Africa
Charondrian

Oil and spray paint on Canvas 2009
(In the Collection of Natasha Phillips)

A larger version may be viewed here

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Talking of dubious artwork….. I have completed another ‘painting’ in my ‘F**kART – a homage to BritArt’ series.  It is a portrait of Cokehead, my old parrot from a West London Man episode (Now in the collection of @jaffne) (You may view a larger version here)

Cokehead was a most enjoyable parrot – he enjoyed his life.
The remaining paintings are in the spirit of F**kART and include Erudite Elehpants 1 and, of course the three in the Fuckerflies series…
***

Following on from my ‘Fuckerflies’ series, as Christmas approaches and no-one can be bothered to answer their phones or are ‘ in a meeting’ (and it can only get worse as the Christmas party season gets under way), I am occupying part of my time each day by painting.  Charonaletto has many spray cans and enough paint and canvas to flood the art market with tat.  There is only one flaw to this ‘plan’.  I give the paintings away… but I do offer the recipients an option where I throw the painting away for them and save them the trouble.

‘Erudite Elephant 1′ (2009)
Oil on Canvas
Charon


In the Collection of @infobunny

The Elephant is at the start of a Nietzschean journey, which may turn out better than he thinks.  He first meets the Monkey – an avid reader of The Sun. The Monkey asks the Elephant what his thougt for the day is. The Elephant has two:  “The cautious seldom err’ and “It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop’. (Confucius). The Elephant, being a pedant and a grammar nazi, corrects the Monkey’s English… and so the journey begins.

A larger version of the picture is here

***

While I can paint, after a fashion, I was told many years ago, by my Warden (They called the Headmaster a Warden) at the detention centre in Scotland where I was consigned on the Perthshire Archipelago,   that there was no money in art. He was wrong about that.  Damien Hirst has been taking the piss for years, relieving rich lawyers, bankers and magnates, industrial and advertising, of their money… in substantial amounts… and good on him!

As a ‘homage’ to BritArt and inspired by @infobunny and her recent paintings, I decided to amuse myself last night and late this afternoon. The works reveal absolutely no subtlety of colour, tone, design or, indeed, talent.  This is as it should be in ‘The FuckArt’ School’ which I founded late last night after dipping into a second bottle of the Bourbon King’s finest Rioja.  Typical of the Fuckart school is the use of spray paint used for repairing scratches on motorcars.  Charonaletto is the leading proponent of the ‘let’s get completely pissed and paint’ technique and he told the director of a Gallery in Chelsea (who has expressed interest in these two seminal works) “Vandals and Goths brought Rome down.  I’d like to have a crack at a bit of that as well and spray cans of paint as a base seemed an appropriate metaphor.”

There are two works in the ‘Fuckerflies” series

Fuckerflies I (2009) Acrylic and car paint on board: Charonaletto 1 December 2009
In the Collection of @infobunny (Click here for an enlarged view)

Fuckerflies II – ‘Dogging‘ (2009) Acrylic and car paint on board: Charonaletto 2 December 2009
In the Collection of @Sianz (Click here for an enlarged view)


The Final painting in the Fuckerflies series

Fuckerflies III – ‘You do not mess with these guys‘ (2009) Acrylic and car paint on board: Charonaletto 3 December 2009
In the collection of @colinsamuels (Click here for an enlarged view)


Charon’s Christmas Paintings: I’ll Passmore on this….

I’ll Passmore on this (2009)
Oil on Canvas
Charon

Geometry was a bit of a mystery to the young Charon – but over time, and through necessity,  he came to understand the principles.  Now geometry fascinates Charon more in the shape than the practical application and for the possibilities of optical illusion. If one looks at the two circles in the middle of the painting;  soon one sees a cylinder, for the brain fills in the lines to connect the circles…and then the cylinders appear to change direction.  I put this to Charon.  He told me:  “See what you like, mate…. When I look into the circle at the bottom left, I am looking down into a wine bottle and it has wine in it… this is good.  When I look at the circle on the right, I am looking down into the bottle and there is no wine in it and I can even see the bar code.  This is not good.  When I look at the circle top right… it is the morning after and things, sometimes, are a bit bright.  I have no idea who did the circles and geometry in the middle… it is possible that I may have been burgled during the night.”

Geometry Today, BBC Radio 4

A larger version of the painting may be viewed here

Other paintings in the F**KART series may be viewed here.

“We know….about quantum physics”….

“We know….about Quantum Physics”
Oil and Spray can paint on canvas
Charon

In the Collection of @Oedipus_Lex

Some time ago, I had a most enjoyable – but very bizarre – evening in Battersea with Johnny Biltong, Tonto Popadopolous and George.  @Oedipus_Lex, a friend met through Twitter and, it is fair to say, a man who knows how to enjoy good red wine…and liberate it…  joined us.  It was one of those nights… in fact , almost an allnighter, where the conversation turned…. suddenly, to quantum physics and Black Holes – possibly because I had encouraged George to change the subject which he had been extemporising on, randomly,  for some time.

The use of Orange in the lower left section symbolises Swine flu and other viruses… yeah right!  I got luck with a spray can.

***

I decided that I wanted to mark this remarkable evening with a painting about quantum physics – which somehow, ‘captured’ the insanity of a rather loud and amusing evening.  It is also, I suppose, a small poke at ‘Abstractionism’.

A larger version of the ‘work’ is here

Other paintings in the F**kART series are here.

Christmas paintings: Red Dancing

Red Dancing
Oil on Canvas
Charon

“Charon rarely draws or paints figures – largely because they are a bit more difficult than sticking fake jewellery on badly drawn sharks…but he has made an exception with this dancer based on a fashion designer style. Charon was having lunch, as he does most Sundays, at a local pub the weekend before Christmas. The team at the pub are great – they ensure that Charon can have roast chicken each Sunday even when it is not on the official ‘menu’.  One of the waitresses, Amy, who is doing Chemistry at university (Charon did Geophysics and Geochemistry for one short year many years ago) asked him what he was doing for Christmas.  ‘Drinking and painting’ was Charon’s reply.  When it became clear that Charon was not planning some orgy of DIY decorating and wallpapering over the festive season, Amy asked if Charon could do a painting for her.  While Charon was enthusiastic  about the possibility of painting a roast chicken he did feel that Amy might not be so enthusiastic about such a subject…. a  RED dancer seemed an appropriate theme!”

Sunday Lunch Magazine

A larger version of the painting is here

Other painting in the F**KART series are here

Charonasso Christmas

Christmas ’09 (2009)
Oil on Canvas
Charonasso

In the Collection of Gerry Wateridge

“Charon spent Christmas drinking Italian reds, listening to Verdi and Puccini, and amusing himself on Twitter and Skype video. He had, he told me, been dreaming of a White Christmas but it was not to be. He couldn’t explain why he painted himself, based on a well known painting by Picasso, dressed in blue underpants and a vest – because he doesn’t have any blue underpants or vests.  He does, however, have red wine, rather a lot of it, and red and green feature strongly in his main ‘studio’. I noted the use of a knife in covering a fair part of this canvas with paint.  Charon told me that he liked to use knives while painting… they did the business.”

In Conversation with Charon, Tuscan Wine Quarterly

A larger version of this painting may be viewed here

Other paintings in the F**kART series may be viewed here.

You’ll believe a man can fly – Riojaman!

You’ll believe a man can fly – Riojaman! (2009)
Oil on Canvas
Charon

“In this latest Marvel inspired piece from Charon’s ‘Superhero Period’ Charon achieves his ultimate ambition – transmogrification into a bottle of Rioja and superhero to boot.  The detail in building a cork into the headgear of the figure can only be marvelled at… not in terms of the brushwork or skill, for there is little of the latter in evidence – but marvel in the sense of….at what goes on inside Charon’s head.

Much of this painting was, in fact, painted while flying on a rather good bottle of … you guessed it… RIOJA…available at Oddbins and all good wine merchants £9.99″

Topers Monthly

A larger version of the painting may be viewed here

Other ‘works’ in the F**kART series may be viewed here

In the Collection of @Colmmu

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into an art gallery…

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into an art gallery (2009)
Oil, Diamonds and Sapphires on Canvas
Charon

The original may be viewed here

“When Damien Hurst produced his diamond encrusted skull some time back, I remember getting a call from Charon.  It is fair to say that he was over refreshed at the time.  He asked if I had seen the seminal work by Hurst.  I told him that I had.  Charon said, enthusiasm clear in his voice:  “Fantastic nonsense.  I’m going to do a tribute.  I mean…how difficult can it be to stick a few diamonds onto a canvas and flog it? …..to some corporate and even add a bit of VAT to help the government?”

I heard no more of this ‘project’ until a few weeks ago when Charon appeared on the BBC Antiques Roadshow programme trying to get his ‘work’ valued for ‘insurance purposes’. Apparently this latest work’ is going to feature on one  or other, or possibly both of the daytime TV shows  Flog It and  Trash in the Attic fairly soon.  I am pleased to say, having spoken to Charon at a bar in Chelsea recently, that he has tired of sticking diamonds onto paintings which otherwise take him about ten minutes to do (excluding drying time, which he charges for by the hour), that he has moved on.”

James Scraatchi, Royalty & Hounds Review

Other ‘works’ in the F**kart series may be viewed here.

Charon Cubist Sunday

Charon Cubist Sunday (2009)
Oil and bits on canvas
Charon

“Charon lives on the Medway.  From his balcony he can see yachts sailing by –  some with coloured sails.  Sundays are fairly lazy days for Charon – he eats a roast chicken every Sunday, cooked for him by a good chef at the local pub,  even when chicken is not on the menu.  When Charon is having a cubist Sunday it amuses him to be the only person in the pub restaurant eating roast chicken. He likes it when people at other tables say “That man over there is eating roast chicken.  It’s not even on the menu’. The Observer and Rioja feature every Sunday, ineluctably. The green post-it card is used by Charon to remind him to pick up ‘supplies’ – cigarettes, Rioja, milk, general shopping and prawns. I asked Charon why there were fleur-de-lis on the blue panel top left.  He told me that he had a small  fleur-de-lis tattoo on his arse.  I made my excuses and left. I felt that I couldn’t intrude and ask him about the fish and the red and white tennis rackets.”

Chatham & Rochester ArtReview.

A larger version of the original painting may be viewed here.

Other nonsense ‘artworks’  may be viewed below and here

[If you happen to have stumbled onto this blog in the belief that it is a law blog – it is.  Not much law on it at present because I am taking a short break over Xmas – but, rest assured, I shall shoehorn a bit of law in soon.]

Rive Gauche: The Christmas spirit… et al

As Christmas draws closer, work has tailed off a bit. No-one is that interested in discussing consultancy, advertising on Insite or any of the other things I do to amuse myself – so I have been doing a series of F**Art paintings. I wanted to see how they would look in a different context so I am posting a few images containing ‘paintings’ I have done recently interspersed with a few oddities in the news this week – some even relating to law.

The Telegraph reports: “A judge who gave a community punishment to a teenage girl for her part in a near-fatal stabbing “wholly failed” in his public duty, London’s Court of Appeal has ruled…… Judge Timothy Nash was also criticised for handing just two years to a second youngster involved in the attack as Lord Justice Thomas declared the sentences “unduly lenient” and increased them in a bid to counter knife crime.

“That things went gravely wrong, of that there can be no doubt whatsoever,” he said. “Judge Nash wholly failed in his duty to the public in marking these offences in the way he did.”


Another case where ‘things went clearly wrong’ involved a man trying to have sex with a Rottweiler.  This, I just can’t quite my head around. Bizarre. But I am grateful to @infobunny on Twitter for alerting me to the news.  Infobunny is making snowmen today.


Snow has come to Britain, or parts of it. In fact, as I type, it looks as if another four inches is about to land on the four inches from last night’s snowfall.  Above is a painting I am giving to Geeklawyer “Snow White Snorts Snow”  It looks vaguely sane in this setting.

RollonFriday has a truly brilliant story (and you just have to go to the site to see the posters!)

CMS Cameron McKenna has tried to improve its lawyers’ client care skills by decorating the firm’s loos with inspirational posters.

In a move that the firm maintains is “quirky and fun“, posters have appeared featuring a man standing at a urinal and a loo with the seat left up. Apparently this is part of the firm’s Reflect campaign, intended to encourage its lawyers to think of their clients’ best interests at all times. Including when doing number twos, because nothing says client care like “I was just thinking about you while sitting on the bog crimping off a length“.

Above is ‘Fuckerflies’ my first painting this Christmas season… this, I gave to @infobunny because she does ART and started me off again with her excellent paintings.  On the right, at the back…. Erudite Elephant II.

It is not all doom and gloom in the legal world…. The Times reports today…

Lawyers growing rich on NHS negligence

I missed it – but Twitter was down for a while last night.  This must have added to the Christmas stress of many thousands of Twitters.  Apparently President I’madinnerjacket’s Iranian Cyber Army was ‘responsible’. The Guardian reports:

“This site has been hacked by the Iranian Cyber Army,” said the message.

“The USA thinks they control and manage internet access, but they don’t. We control and manage the internet with our power, so do not try to the incite Iranian people.”

The Times has a fascinating story about ‘No win, no fee”

The Times reports: “Laywers are quick to defend the practice of no-win, no-fee as the way that people without funds can get access to justice. Its importance is without question, but the quirks and loopholes that have evolved — and that facilitate and encourage eye-popping claims — have skewed the system.Since 2000, and in far greater numbers in the past few years, claims for the successful law firm have rarely stopped with basic legal costs…..Colum Smith, a lawyer specialising in medical negligence claims, says that half his business are a no-win, no-fee clients. A partner in McMillan Williams Solicitors in Coulsdon, Surrey, Mr Smith says he sees the situation as a simple business transaction. Mr Smith says that he is a “superb advocate of the NHS” but describes the frequency of out-of-court settlements “very strange”.

I could get into painting on a large scale! I think the spraycan paints I use are getting to me.

The Police do seem to be doing some very odd things in recent months. After the furtore about Police and the donut eaters, their PCSO counterparts, stopping people from taking photographs under the terrorism Act – we now have a High Court judge saying…

//

Police ‘must not harass’ man cleared of Dando muder…

Independent

And…. finally…

Charonasso will be doing some more nonsense over the next ten days – it will help him get through Christmas!

By the way… if anyone would like my most recent ‘painting’…. below… The Snowmen extraordinarily renditing a little boy who has been bad in 2009…. let me know in the comments section or send me an email – FREE… naturally!

F**kArt Christmas: Snow White Snorts Snow – Charondigliani

“Continuing his theme, and because he is a bit bored, Charondigliani was taken by the first snow of Winter today. He was also traumatised by Snow White and the Seven Investment Bankers many years ago as a ‘difficult’ child. .  Charondigliani’s use of his drug of choice – Rioja – was clearly an inspiration behind this ‘work’.  No automobile spraycan paint was used in this – but Charondigliani did use some chalk to create that subtle translucence so necessary to suggest a degree of bollocks in modern painting. Cokehead, Charondigliani’s parrot was also most taken with this painting. When it was first exhibited,  a Police Community Support Officer arrested Charondigliani under the Terrorism Act for being in possession of a ‘Class A’ painting. Fortunately, a senior Metropolitan Police Officer friend of Charondigliani was able to tell the PCSO to stop being stupid and go back to eating buns on street corners with his PCSO mates.”

Police Community Support Officer Review

Snow White Snorting Coke
Oil and Chalk on Canvas (2009)

Charondigliani

In the Collection of Geeklawyer

A larger version of the painting may be viewed here.

Other F**kArt works by Charon may be viewed here

Charon saw a very funny cartoon on t’interweb thingy which inspired this nonsense.

Charon’s Christmas paintings: The Cross after Dali

Charon’s series of Christmas Paintings start with a ‘homage’ to a favoured artist – Dali. The next Christmas painting will be ‘Snow White Snorts Snow’ in the style of Charondigliani.

The Cross after Dali (2009)
Oil on Canvas

Charon
A larger version of the painting may be viewed here

For a full list of Charon’s F**kART paintings so far – click here

I plan to do a painting each day through until the 27th December.  Then I shall stop… possibly!

F**kpig: A painting for the Christmas of our times….

The Fuckpig
Oil on Canvas 2009
Charon

In The Collection of Paul West

“Charon clearly has way too much time on his hands during this pre-Christmas period.  This is largely because no-one wants to do any business with him because his clients are all attending Christmas parties or farting around on Twitter. This was fine with Charon because it allowed him to continue his ‘homage’ to BritArt.  In this very simple minded allegory, Charon nuances the subtlety of those least revered in our society at present – and who may not be with us for much longer: The Bankers.

Charon was amused by a cartoon he saw on the web – unfortunately the cartoon was too small to reveal the cartoonists name – but he has been able to capture the essence of the ‘genre’ here.  Charon is quite clear in his resolve that the painting bears no resemblance whatsoever to any person living or dead, whether to be found at Canary Wharf or, indeed, any bank in the British Isles.”

National Banker Magazine

A larger version of the picture may be viewed here.

Self Portrait but was pissed when I did it

Charonasso continues his ‘homage’ to F**kART with this latest  peice from his ‘Blue and Orange  pissed period’ – a self portrait with red wine glass.  As usual the artist has used automobile spray can paint to lay down a neo-ironic foundation and then, and this is clear from the brushwork, as the Rioja takes hold, paint is used with fervour, boldness and a lack of skill which brings to this work a degree of almost bucolic naivety.  The artist does know how to draw and is aware that eyes don’t in life appear as they are represented.  Scholars now believe that Charonasso was trying to signal to  other Masons that he wasn’t just ‘a’ Mason, but that he was two Masons in the one body. The painting is signed.

Self portrait but was a bit pissed (2009)
Charonasso
14 December 2009

(A larger image is available here)

In the Collection of @bureauista

Erudite Elephant II – The Politics of Africa

In his guise as a modern artiste Charondrian,  in his latest nonsense, reflects on the political creation of modern Africa as seen through the eyes of an erudite elephant.

“The white ‘Mondrian’ lines represent the linear boundaries between many countries in Africa.  The colours reflect the colours used in many african  flags today and the black handprint (Charondrians’s own) a metaphor for landgrab from both whites and blacks. The Elephant, as a species, will probably live on Earth forever. The spots suggest conflicts and trouble spots – but also hint that the fumes from the vandalpaint spray cans favoured by the ‘artist’ may have been getting the better of Charondrian.”
Loft Laggers Monthly Art Review

Erudite Elephant II – The Politics of Modern Africa
Charondrian

Oil and spray paint on Canvas 2009
(In the Collection of Natasha Phillips)

A larger version may be viewed here

For other ‘paintings’ by Charonaletto (Charondrian, Charonasso et al)

Fuckerflies | Erudite Elephant 1 | Cokehead the Parrot

Propaganda, PBR and Cokehead…my parrot.

Hat tip to Tom Harris MP and the Wrinkled Weasel for drawing attention to a rather bizarre Christmas card being sent out by Scotland’s First Minister, Alex Salmond.  (The pic on the left) A most unfortunate icon?

You don’t mess about with ‘Lambo’. Lieutenant-General Sir Graham Lamb, a man who does not mince words as can be seen by his recent statement: “We are continuing to strike the Taliban, and have to, till their eyeballs bleed”. The former SAS officer and Commander, Field Army,  is now advising both Stanley McChrystal and President Karzai. Paul Waugh, in his  Evening Standard blog is keeping a very close watch on the Iraq Inquiry and has a good piece on yesterday’s presentation to the Inquiry by ‘Lambo’.  Typical of Sir Graham Lamb’s direct responses is… “The most difficult people to deal with weren’t the Shia or Sunni militias/insurgents, it was the Americans and their refusal to accept the idea of reconciliation, of dealing with people who had blood on their hands.

The White Rabbit (whose blog is always worth visiting – not much law on it – no bad thing for a law blog, of course) has a rather good video with the added bonus of Nena and her 99 Luftballons which I enjoyed back in 1984.

I do not know, of course, if Matron was called to attend to Tories who appeared to be wetting themselves when George Osborne responded to Darlings PBR speech yesterday. Certainly, Speaker Bercow had to ask members to calm down several times and he admonished Henry Bellingham MP (Tory) for doing a running commentary oln Darling’s speech which ‘neither the house nor members of the public needed’. It always good when member’s become excited but this is a law blog so I’ll leave such matters to others.

I was watching PMQs and the PBR speech yesterday on my laptop while also looking at Twitter. @KerryMP, Labour’s so called ‘Twitter Tsar’, was at it hammer and sickle… getting very over excited when Gordon Brown landed blow after blow on Cameron during  PMQs but appeared to lose interest when Osborne came on to respond to Darling.  No matter, we had a raft of Tory twitterers to wave the flag for ‘their chap’. All wonderful propaganda, of course, with neither side conceding that the other had made any useful points at all. But that is what I like about Twitter when it comes to politics and Tom Harris MP (who tweeted all the way through PMQs from his place on the back benches)  gets a special ‘Tweet of the week’ award for this…when Speaker Bercow had to intervene to calm the over excited members when Nick Clegg got rather angry during his turn.

The Tory propaganda machine has swung into action and while I find their latest poster rather lame, they certainly seem to be enjoying themselves and more ‘artwork’ will surely be forthcoming.

Talking of dubious artwork….. I have completed another ‘painting’ in my ‘F**kART – a homage to BritArt’ series.  It is a portrait of Cokehead, my old parrot from a West London Man episode (Now in the collection of @jaffne) (You may view a larger version here)

It is 4.10 am – a bit early for serious analysis of matters legal.  I shall return later in the day… possibly. Have a good one.

A bit of Tuesday Tat….

Following on from my ‘Fuckerflies’ series, as Christmas approaches and no-one can be bothered to answer their phones or are ‘ in a meeting’ (and it can only get worse as the Christmas party season gets under way), I am occupying part of my time each day by painting.  Charonaletto has many spray cans and enough paint and canvas to flood the art market with tat.  There is only one flaw to this ‘plan’.  I give the paintings away… but I do offer the recipients an option where I throw the painting away for them and save them the trouble.

Here is my latest series: ‘Erudite Elephant 1’

The Elephant is at the start of a Nietzschean journey, which may turn out better than he thinks.  He first meets the Monkey – an avid reader of The Sun. The Monkey asks the Elephant what his thougt for the day is. The Elephant has two:  “The cautious seldom err’ and “It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop’. (Confucius). The Elephant, being a pedant and a grammar nazi, corrects the Monkey’s English… and so the journey begins.

A larger version of the picture is here

F**kArt – a ‘Homage’ to BritArt by Charonaletto

While I can paint, after a fashion, I was told many years ago, by my Warden (They called the Headmaster a Warden) at the detention centre in Scotland where I was consigned on the Perthshire Archipelago,   that there was no money in art. He was wrong about that.  Damien Hirst has been taking the piss for years, relieving rich lawyers, bankers and magnates, industrial and advertising, of their money… in substantial amounts… and good on him!

As a ‘homage’ to BritArt and inspired by @infobunny and her recent paintings, I decided to amuse myself last night and late this afternoon. The works reveal absolutely no subtlety of colour, tone, design or, indeed, talent.  This is as it should be in ‘The FuckArt’ School’ which I founded late last night after dipping into a second bottle of the Bourbon King’s finest Rioja.  Typical of the Fuckart school is the use of spray paint used for repairing scratches on motorcars.  Charonaletto is the leading proponent of the ‘let’s get completely pissed and paint’ technique and he told the director of a Gallery in Chelsea (who has expressed interest in these two seminal works) “Vandals and Goths brought Rome down.  I’d like to have a crack at a bit of that as well and spray cans of paint as a base seemed an appropriate metaphor.”

There are two works in the ‘Fuckerflies” series

Fuckerflies I (2009) Acrylic and car paint on board: Charonaletto 1 December 2009
In the Collection of @infobunny (Click here for an enlarged view)

Fuckerflies II – ‘Dogging‘ (2009) Acrylic and car paint on board: Charonaletto 2 December 2009
In the Collection of @Sianz (Click here for an enlarged view)

Fuckerflies III (I shall be getting pissed again soon)  can be customised with diamonds at the request of the purchaser

The Final painting in the Fuckerflies series

Fuckerflies III – ‘You do not mess with these guys‘ (2009) Acrylic and car paint on board: Charonaletto 3 December 2009
In the collection of @colinsamuels (Click here for an enlarged view)