Excercise while smoking “Smokedo” – The Art of Smokexcercising

WARNING: Do not try this at home without first consulting a specialist like me.  This is only for professionals or for those who have been given the secret scrolls of Smokedo

I can tell you this though, when I have completed the drills, I shall be a lot fitter and slimmer.  It is working…. ripping that flab as I type.

Well on that note… as I clearly appear to have lost the plot… I have to go into a trance like state now, drink a few glasses of Rioja and spend some time with my paint brushes and watercolour pad.

Have an excellent week.

Regards as always

Sensei Charonaka

Smokedo Master
30aday Dan

Rive Gauche: Ex-Biglaw Partner Sues Over ‘Destroyed’ Reputation Thanks To Overbilling Scandal

Ex-Biglaw Partner Sues Over ‘Destroyed’ Reputation Thanks To Overbilling Scandal

It’s been three years since DLA Piper’sbilling practices came into question and made big waves thanks to a litigated billing dispute between the Biglaw firm and a former client. Normally, such a pedestrian suit wouldn’t have produced major headlines in the mainstream media, but this case was different — this case involved serious allegations of a “sweeping practice of overbilling,” supported by internal emails from DLA Piper that were peppered with phrases like “[t]hat bill shall know no limits,” and “churn that bill, baby!”

DLA Piper quickly denied that any overbilling had occurred and denounced the emails in question as “an offensive and inexcusable effort at humor.” The lawsuit between DLA Piper and Adam Victor, an energy industry executive who’d been accused of not paying his legal bills, has long since been quietly settled.

Read the rest…and marvel 


Back to painting again…canvases…not walls…

I am going back to painting – sensible and mildly odd…. my paints etc are being posted to me from London. Have missed painting.


Here are a few lines on a piece of paper…

I’ve been studying minimalism over the weekend – I think I shall turn this into a very large painting… won’t take long. It’s not an original concept, of course – this style is used in fashion art, where I drew the influence from.  It could look quite striking on white canvas about 6ft x 3ft?

I do, however, have to try my idea of making a life size torso and head of a barrister out of wire coat hangers first.  I suspect that this may prove beyond me… we shall soon find out.  I have to buy some wire clippers and solder.  This will give me an opportunity to buy one of those welding torches….



And here I am using my new Pay As You Go Phone… not very good….in fact, useless…


Chef Charon (Neuf Stars Chef) talks from Maison Charon en Glasgow

When I start ze restaurant Maison Charon, I specify that ze entrance must have ze big glass doors, pas de valeur architecturale… zut alors!… non!…. mais… so my maître d‘ can see ze punters coming in more ways than one.

You English have ze saying… less is more… I take zis to my heart….so in Maison Charon…. we are, how you say…. minimaliste…. minimal decoration, minimal service and ze minimal portions pour la haute gastronomie.  You English have been watching too much of ze Masterchef avec Chef Michel Roux, so I am more than happy to, how you say, fart about with your food and construct ze tours absurde on ze plate and smear ze sauce avec merit artistique. Zis allows me to give you less and charge more…. you see?… I am anglophile!

It is also important… pour ze clientele who frequente Maison Charon zat I ensure there is bollocks complète on ze menu, so I hire l’expert en marketing to write zebollocks complète to describe ze dishes I prepare.  Zis is one exception to ze ‘less is more’ rule.. here… more description means we can serve less…..

I give un exemple of how less is a lot more.  Zere is a chef in Denmark… Chef Rene Redzepi of Noma…. amusingly ze best restaurant in ze world… mon dieu!…… and he collects ze seaweed, berries, grasses and other delectations du nature, serves zem up on a plate and… Voila!….. ze hyperventilation of ze clientele est superbe!.

I do zis at Maison Charon..only se ozzer day. I send a sous chef to Wandsworth Roundabout and Hyde Park  avec a book on  foraging and say I want grass, berries, anything edible…..   I get anuzzer sous chef to go to B&Q to buy some Welsh slate roof tiles et Voila!…. ze Cuisine naturelle a La Suède. I wanted to put ze description a La Pseuede… mais…. maître d‘ he says to me…. “Chef Charon… you have eighteen Michelin stars to your name…. even though you give them to yourself… this is a step too far….. to mock ze punter is Le Sport… to ridicule ze punter is not good business.”  So… with free ingredients from Wandsworth Roundabout, a few absurd smears of sauces, berries arranged at each corner of ze welsh slate from B& Q and much pantomime from maître d‘… we serve three tiles of grass, and edible leaves and berries and charge £38.50 per portion…. who needs an amuse-bouche when one can do zat?!

Ze best part?…. when I come from le cuisine...to le salon de la gastronomie….avec mon chapeau de chef on my head to take ze adulation of ze punters…. and tell zem how much they have enjoyed l’experience du Maison Charon.….. and tell zem we take ze  AMEX.   Aussi… I try very hard not to drop my fake  accent français

I wish you all a Joyeux New Year

Chef Charon

West London Man – The series – with sound files. I’m writing some new episodes.


Tuesday December 29th 2015  

West London Man (24) : Diamonds are not forever
15th January 2009
Text Version | Audio Version
West London Man (23) : Half baked Alaska?
16th November 2008
Text Version | Audio Version
West London Man (22) : It is crunch time
1st October 2008
Text Version | Audio Version
West London Man (21) : Upwardly beautiful and officialdom
4th August 2008
Text Version | Audio Version
West London Man (20) : A trip to Sainsbury’s
2nd August 2008
Text Version | Audio Version
West London Man (19) : A short holiday in Padstow, Cornwall
29th July 2008
Text Version | Audio Version
West London Man (18) : Der Peitsche
13th July 2008
Text Version | Audio Version
West London Man (17) : Jolly Snorting Weather….
7th July 2007

Text Version | Audio Version
West London Man (16): “I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.”
3rd July 2008
Text Version | Audio Version
West London Man (15): 15 – love to George…
29th June 2008
Text Version | Audio Version
West London Man (14): Royal Ascot – First Day
17th June 2008
Text Version | Audio Version
West London Man (13): Friday 13th…
13th June 2008
Text Version | Audio Version
West London Man (12): Panic buying
10th June2008
Text Version
West London Man (11): Biscuits
10th June 2008
Text Version | Audio Version

West London Man (10): Caroline talks to a friend….
5th June 2008
Text Version
West London Man (9): Short suits and other matters…
June 3rd 2008
Text Version | Audio Version
West London Man (8): Legal advice…
25th May 2008
Text Version | Audio Version
West London Man (7): Pre-dinner….
25th May 2008
Text Version | Audio Version
West London Man (6): At home…
20th May 2008
Text Version
West London Man (5): To Lords for a spot of cricket…
17th May 2008
Text Version | Audio Version
West London Man (4): A bit of gazundering…
17th May 2008
Text Version
West London Man (3): Talks Stagflation….
16th May 2008
Text Version | Audio Version
West London Man (2): A trip to Lords is coming up…
13th May 2008
Text Version | Audio Version
West London Man (1): With the first hot weekend of summer…
13th May 2008
Text Version | Audio Version

Chef Charon’s Boeuf Buggerorf.

With no money to buy food because The Co-op Bank is useless and I haven’t had my PIN after a theft from my bank account – plenty of money in the account, though. (A new card had to be issued) – I thought it appropriate to tender Chef Charon’s recipe for Boeuf Bourguignon…

A recipe for Boeuf Bourguignon done in a slow cooker or ‘crockpot’

1. Buy a slow cooker (£20 – or use a hob and cook gently for about 2 hours and then transfer to a hot oven 180C to thicken the gravy for about 15 minutes.)

Using the slow cooker on a high setting for 5-6 hours:

2. Chop topside, sirloin,  rump or even cheaper cuts of beef into chunks. Coat with flour (I prefer cornflour) and season with salt and  pepper.  Brown in frying pan using groundnut or sunflower oil until the meat has a good colour on the outside

3.  Chop carrots, onion, mushroom, onion/challots and small potatoes (keep the skin on) garlic  – some mixed herbs and anything else you fancy by way of veg.

4. Add about 1/4 pint of beef stock available from supermarkets.  Put in a small amount of fat from the beef to render down and provide depth to the gravy.

5. Add a full bottle of decent burgundy.  The burgundy will cost about £6-10 depending on your budget.  It is worth using good wine. Frankly any heavy bodied wine will give good flavour

6. Cook for 5-6 hours with the slow cooker on high or 9-10 hours with the slow cooker on low.

Garlic and chive mash

It will take about 20 minutes or so to cook some small potatoes with or without skins (I like skins on for this dish)

1. Cook potatoes until you can put a fork into the heart of the cut potatoes. Drain water, mash, add garlic puree or chopped garlic, chopped chives and butter.  Mash until you have the mash the way you like it.

Quantities are irrelevant with slow cooking.  Some people are greedy.  Work out how much you like, add for friends. Make enough for some the next day – because it does taste better the next day and you can heat it up fairly quickly on a stove. Best to make a new batch of mash, though.

Rioja, Burgundy, Barolo, Cotes du Rhone… in fact.. most reds go well with this.




West London Man (19) : A short holiday in Padstow, Cornwall+ Drinking Forecast

From a few years ago: I am awarding my first “For Idiocy” medal to Ceredigion Council for fining  a painter £30 for smoking in his own van. Decorator Gordon Williams was fined because council officials said it counted as smoking in the workplace.  Gordon Willaims was ‘dumbfounded’,  only uses the van to get to work,  and said ” It is not my place of work.  I paint and decorate houses not vans.”  Story from The Mirror

I am toying with the idea of bringing West London Man back – a tale of a middle class couple and their ‘journey’ through life.  I did about 30 episodes in text (and in sound with my ex-wife).


George and Caroline usually take a summer vacation in Southern France or Tuscany. Conscious, this year, that they should be seen by fellow West Londoners to be doing the right thing, they too are going to have a ‘British’ holiday quickly and then go on their real holiday to Tuscany in early August.  The Boden catalogue arrived and George has purchased some rather fetching outfits for the Padstow trip.  The children, Peregrine and Jocasta are looking forward to playing at the seaside.  George has arranged for a local nanny to look after the children during the day for the short week’s holiday.

George, to irritate one of his Chiswick friends who has an Audi Quattro TT, bought himself an Aston Martin DB9 and he and Caroline went down to Cornwall in the Aston.  The children followed later in the family’s BMW 4 x 4 with Caroline’s Mother who would help look after the children during the week’s holiday.

It was the first day of the holiday.  George and Caroline went for a walk on the beach – George dressed casually in navy shorts and a dark gray polo shirt.  Caroline wore a long floral print skirt and a soft black sleeveless top. George combines the shorts with a jacket and white shirt for office meetings in the summer as the model shows.

Caroline: George?…. isn’t that David Cameron and his wife, Samantha, sitting on the beach over there?

George brought his Zeiss binoculars up to his eyes and scanned the horizon.  It was not necessary to use binoculars because the Camerons were only fifty or so yards away.

George: I think you’re right, darling… yes…. it is Dave and Samantha?

Caroline: Dave?… do you know Cameron?

George: Well…. not exactly…. I joined WebCameron some time ago and get emails from him regularly.

Caroline: But doesn’t everyone who joins WebCameron get an email from him regularly?

George: welll… yes… yes… I suppose they do.

Caroline: So… you don’t actually know Dave and Samantha then?

George: No…. not as such…. no.

Caroline started laughing and said: Have you noticed that ‘Dave’ and Samantha are wearing exactly the same clothes as we are wearing.

George brought his binoculars up t his eyes again and paused.

George: Bloody hell… you’re right…. how could that happen…?

Caroline: Well they can’t be using a catalogue….. maybe they went to the same shop in West London?

George: Yes… possibly.

Caroline: I wonder if he has brought his bicycle with him?  He got it back you know.

George and Caroline strolled along the beach.  George waved casually at the Cameron’s who were about to be photographed for the newspapers and waved.

George: Hi Dave!… having a good break?  You gave Brown a good fisting in the Commons last week…. keep it up…

Cameron: Thank you… enjoy your holiday too.

George: Absolutely Dave…  gather you got your bike back… some hoodie made off with it is the word on the street….  quite amusing really.

Cameron: It wasn’t amusing at the time. Well… if you will excuse me…. I’ve got to get these pics done.

George: Well Dave… keep it up… you’ll be in Number 10 before Christmas…. and that Vince Cable bloke who called Brown ‘Mr Bean’ will be an excellent Chancellor of The Exchequer.  Good man, Cable….. you made a good choice there.

Cameron smiling wearily:  Mr Cable is a Liberal-Democrat.

George: Absolutely… well… it takes all sorts….. have a great vacation… I’ll be voting for you.  Bye.

Caroline dragged George quickly by the arm, laughing.  The Camerons laughed and Caroline was absolutely certain she heard Samantha say “What a strange man…. do you know him?”

Caroline: Well that was a command performance, George…. brilliant in fact.  Instead of saying ‘beasting’, which is probably just acceptable parliamentary language, you used ‘fisting’ and you did not appear to Cameron to know much about politics because Vince Cable is not a Tory…. but who cares… that was funny… very funny in fact… now take me for lunch, then take me to bed and take me..  It has been a while…

AND here is my DRINKING FORECAST based on the famous Radio 4 weather report forecast format – (I may have too much time on my hands?)



H M The Queen – marvellous photograph and Cardinal Charoni di Tempranillo is reflective…

I like this photograph.  The composition is excellent and the clever use of a black background and four views draws the eye and the eye lingers on it.

cardinalcharoni2augAnd… not to be outdone..here is one of Charon QC’s Italian cousinsCardinal Charoni di Tempranillo in a reflective pose with a red hat on – under which he keeps a bottle of red. In nomine Patris et fillii et Spiritus Sancti  as he often says when he pops over for a smoke.  When I say ‘he pops over’ he likes to think he lives in Italy, but, in fact,  he lives in Soho at Little Italy…I am advised by the Metropolitan Commissioner who keeps an eye on him.  The Commissioner remarked, acerbically, Charoni di Tempranillo is quite easy to keep tabs on – it is the red hat, it helps us greatly when we look at all our CCTV footage and Crimewatch reports to see if we have actually caught any law breakers this week.


I am sitting in a hotel room in Holborn keeping myself amused by blogging and watching BBC news – before my escape to the North and thence to Scotland…the wifi is working…the plastic card which is used to gain entry to the security doors on the 4th floor and my room is not that good.  It doesn’t always work.  I have had four cards given to me.  The hotel manager smiled wryly – politely, even – when I remarked, enthusiastically, to cheer him up – that we could do with Jack Nicholson to visit with his axe.  He knew how to get into a room.

The Man in a Hat reports on Lord Coke – WARNING – The story may make you ‘snort’.

There is only so much marvelling at the human condition that a man in a hat can do – but this story about “Lord Coke” is a ‘ripper’ and may make you ‘snort’ ?

Lord Coke: Top peer’s drug binges with £200 prostitutes

…And he’s the the one in charge of standards

The Sun reports :

A MARRIED peer in charge of upholding standards in the House of Lords has been caught on video snorting cocaine with a pair of £200-a-night hookers.

Baron John Sewel, 69 — Deputy Speaker of the Lords and once a key ally of ex-PM Tony Blair — stripped naked for one sleazy romp at his rent-protected London flat.

Last month he was also pictured snorting coke with hookers at a sordid sex party after asking: “What about trying the big one?”

The peer, in charge of upholding standards in the House of Lords, sniffed the Class A drug from one call girl’s breasts.

And he told the women — each paid £200 for the session at his rent-protected London flat: “I just want to be led astray.’’

Perhaps Lord Coke could just take it with a pinch of something….coke?


“It is literally the case that learning languages makes you smarter. The neural networks in the brain strengthen as a result of language learning.”

Michael Gove
Perhaps the Lord Chancellor should learn some law?  It would certainly make him ‘smarter’ when it comes to dealing with law and the legal profession? It may also be an idea for him to trust the legal professionals?  Asking for a friend…


Statement from The Bunker – Ignorance of the law excuses no man from impersonating a Lord Chancellor


I have seen the original sculpture in situ and I am not sure that my ‘modification’ adds much to the sum of human achievement…but be that as it may.  It is the period between Christmas and the new year and there is not a lot of law about…. being that I continue to pass myself off as a ‘law blogger’. I will get back to LAW in the new year. There will be much to write about and our revered Lord Chancellor KillaBurglar Grayling will, inevitably, provide some humour for me to write about.  He is unlikely to advance the cause of ‘Justice’, however you define it, forward.  Hopefully, it being election year next year, he will be returned to the back benches…in opposition.

Ignorance of the law excuses no man — from practicing it. Adison Mizner – to which may be added…’Or impersonating a Lord Chancellor in Britain’.


Well…there we are.  Back on the morrow…


Rive Gauche: A few paintings wot I did in the past….Happy Chrimbo etc etc…

I did paint ‘reasonably’ sensibly while at School well back into the last Century.  I am going to start painting again in the New Year.  It is unlikely that I will paint sensibly…. more of this sort of thing, I suspect:

But I may also do a few in this ‘style’….

Or even…this style…

I’ll Passmore on this (2009)
Oil on Canvas

Geometry was a bit of a mystery to the young Charon – but over time, and through necessity,  he came to understand the principles.  Now geometry fascinates Charon more in the shape than the practical application and for the possibilities of optical illusion. If one looks at the two circles in the middle of the painting;  soon one sees a cylinder, for the brain fills in the lines to connect the circles…and then the cylinders appear to change direction.  I put this to Charon.  He told me:  “See what you like, mate…. When I look into the circle at the bottom left, I am looking down into a wine bottle and it has wine in it… this is good.  When I look at the circle on the right, I am looking down into the bottle and there is no wine in it and I can even see the bar code.  This is not good.  When I look at the circle top right… it is the morning after and things, sometimes, are a bit bright.  I have no idea who did the circles and geometry in the middle… it is possible that I may have been burgled during the night.”

Au revoir for now... I am certain that I shall post on the morrow…I am not a great fan of Chrimbo…