From a few years ago: I am awarding my first “For Idiocy” medal to Ceredigion Council for fining a painter £30 for smoking in his own van. Decorator Gordon Williams was fined because council officials said it counted as smoking in the workplace. Gordon Willaims was ‘dumbfounded’, only uses the van to get to work, and said ” It is not my place of work. I paint and decorate houses not vans.” Story from The Mirror
I am toying with the idea of bringing West London Man back – a tale of a middle class couple and their ‘journey’ through life. I did about 30 episodes in text (and in sound with my ex-wife).
George and Caroline usually take a summer vacation in Southern France or Tuscany. Conscious, this year, that they should be seen by fellow West Londoners to be doing the right thing, they too are going to have a ‘British’ holiday quickly and then go on their real holiday to Tuscany in early August. The Boden catalogue arrived and George has purchased some rather fetching outfits for the Padstow trip. The children, Peregrine and Jocasta are looking forward to playing at the seaside. George has arranged for a local nanny to look after the children during the day for the short week’s holiday.
George, to irritate one of his Chiswick friends who has an Audi Quattro TT, bought himself an Aston Martin DB9 and he and Caroline went down to Cornwall in the Aston. The children followed later in the family’s BMW 4 x 4 with Caroline’s Mother who would help look after the children during the week’s holiday.
It was the first day of the holiday. George and Caroline went for a walk on the beach – George dressed casually in navy shorts and a dark gray polo shirt. Caroline wore a long floral print skirt and a soft black sleeveless top. George combines the shorts with a jacket and white shirt for office meetings in the summer as the model shows.
Caroline: George?…. isn’t that David Cameron and his wife, Samantha, sitting on the beach over there?
George brought his Zeiss binoculars up to his eyes and scanned the horizon. It was not necessary to use binoculars because the Camerons were only fifty or so yards away.
George: I think you’re right, darling… yes…. it is Dave and Samantha?
Caroline: Dave?… do you know Cameron?
George: Well…. not exactly…. I joined WebCameron some time ago and get emails from him regularly.
Caroline: But doesn’t everyone who joins WebCameron get an email from him regularly?
George: welll… yes… yes… I suppose they do.
Caroline: So… you don’t actually know Dave and Samantha then?
George: No…. not as such…. no.
Caroline started laughing and said: Have you noticed that ‘Dave’ and Samantha are wearing exactly the same clothes as we are wearing.
George brought his binoculars up t his eyes again and paused.
George: Bloody hell… you’re right…. how could that happen…?
Caroline: Well they can’t be using a catalogue….. maybe they went to the same shop in West London?
George: Yes… possibly.
Caroline: I wonder if he has brought his bicycle with him? He got it back you know.
George and Caroline strolled along the beach. George waved casually at the Cameron’s who were about to be photographed for the newspapers and waved.
George: Hi Dave!… having a good break? You gave Brown a good fisting in the Commons last week…. keep it up…
Cameron: Thank you… enjoy your holiday too.
George: Absolutely Dave… gather you got your bike back… some hoodie made off with it is the word on the street…. quite amusing really.
Cameron: It wasn’t amusing at the time. Well… if you will excuse me…. I’ve got to get these pics done.
George: Well Dave… keep it up… you’ll be in Number 10 before Christmas…. and that Vince Cable bloke who called Brown ‘Mr Bean’ will be an excellent Chancellor of The Exchequer. Good man, Cable….. you made a good choice there.
Cameron smiling wearily: Mr Cable is a Liberal-Democrat.
George: Absolutely… well… it takes all sorts….. have a great vacation… I’ll be voting for you. Bye.
Caroline dragged George quickly by the arm, laughing. The Camerons laughed and Caroline was absolutely certain she heard Samantha say “What a strange man…. do you know him?”
Caroline: Well that was a command performance, George…. brilliant in fact. Instead of saying ‘beasting’, which is probably just acceptable parliamentary language, you used ‘fisting’ and you did not appear to Cameron to know much about politics because Vince Cable is not a Tory…. but who cares… that was funny… very funny in fact… now take me for lunch, then take me to bed and take me.. It has been a while…
AND here is my DRINKING FORECAST based on the famous Radio 4 weather report forecast format – (I may have too much time on my hands?)