I don’t have an expensive phone. In fact, I have a very cheap phone. All it does is make and receive phonecalls. Unfortunately, it is not a clever enough phone to reject unsolicited calls from bores asking me if I would like to plan my own funeral when I am trying to write a sensible blog post or about to go outside to do some professional smoking.
Unfortunately these ‘phone bores’ hide their number so it is not possible to phone them back later to ask if they need any double glazing, want to buy a camper van, or even a camp van, or if they have had a pleasant evening planning their funerals.
I am about to move back to the West of Scotland – so I thought I would do some Law blogging before I escape. Fortified by some Marlboro Menthol fags, I went outside, braving the short rain shower, and reflected. Did I actually need to write about Law tonight? Would it add to the sum of human achievement, learning and endeavour if I did?
Pleasingly, the decision I came to for both questions was “No”. This frees me to write about something else that interests me.
You may have worked out that you are not going to find any law in this post. You are right – mea culpa.
I enjoy watching cricket. I particularly enjoy the sardonic humour – particularly from the Aussies. A small selection from the net for you:
Q. What do Geraint Jones and Michael Jackson have in common?
A. They both wear gloves for no apparent reason.
Q. What is the height of optimism?
A. An English batsman applying sunscreen.
Q. What does Ashley Giles put in his hands to make sure the next ball
almost always takes a wicket?
A. A bat.
Q. What is the English version of a hat-trick?
A. Three runs in three balls.
Q. What do you call an Englishman with 100 runs against his name?
A. A bowler.
This from a post I wrote on 1st February 2007
Reading the Legal Week Editor’s blog this morning I came across a story about the election of the new Slaughter & May managing partner. For those interested in such matters – see the Legal Week story in full – this quote gives the flavour:
“As numerous law firm elections have shown, there’s always something to be said for being an unknown quantity. Less time to make enemies, less time to get on the wrong side of corporate and less baggage – that most dangerous accessory for any prospective managing partner.”
I was more interested in this pithy comment:
“Or as one Slaughter and May partner colourfully puts it: “Hidden away in Asia, no-one would know if you’re a shit or not.”
And back at the end of January 2007 I came across this ‘gem’
Giant penis etched into school garden with weedkiller can be seen from space. Sky has the story: “The unnamed pair of Year 11 pupils from Bellemoor School for Boys in Southampton, Hampshire, burnt the 20ft phallus into the grass as an end of term joke two years ago.”
One for drafting ‘aficionados’…
Notice the effect of the following Dear John love letter with different punctuation:
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful.
People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior.
You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever
when we’re apart. I can be forever happy – will you let me be yours?
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful
people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior.
You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever.
When we’re apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.
“In English,” he said, “A double negative forms a positive.
In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative
is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a
double positive can form a negative.”
A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”