Grumpy old gittery takes hold at The Staterooms, Battersea-on-Thames….

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.
Groucho Marx

With the Olympics but a fortnight away – the news that the M4 is closed, that G4s is unable to perform their £300 million contract to specification and we need to bring the army in to provide further security for the Olympics, that no-one appears to be interested in taking over the great white elephant of the main stadium post-olympics – it would seem that things are going swimmingly well for the coalition government that has been inflicted on our benighted isle.
When one adds the farce of the Lords reform bill this week and long immigration queues still at Heathrow  to the mix, the lack of regulation over Ali Babadiamond and the Forty Thieves at Barclays, Eurogeddon – and the eternal rain – one begins to wonder if it is worth staying alive to go gaga in a care home which I will not be able to afford when (and if) under Duckworth Lewis rules the umpire signals ‘Not Out’ and I am doomed to live yet more rather depressing years in a country run politically by inexperienced Spads and Spivs – the two aforementioned categories of ‘human’ not being mutually exclusive.
I shall do a John Simpson, stock up on suitable pills and be a patriot – and die for my country quietly, lest I be a burden to the new generation of Spads and Spivs which will follow..as surely as night follows day!
Fortunately, I have not gone gaga and only present the early symptoms of grumpy old gittery which, I am advised, is perfectly normal for a git of my age.  So, as they say in the wonderful (and prescient) BBC satire  Twenty Twelve..”that’s all good”… and I shall be around to irritate the legal and other establishments for some time…which, to borrow from The Blues Brothers…I regard as a ‘Mission from God”.

4 thoughts on “Grumpy old gittery takes hold at The Staterooms, Battersea-on-Thames….

  1. I am sharing your cynicism (realism) as to there being something rotten in the State of Denmark – (Shakespeare ~ Hamlet Act 1 Scene 4).

    I liked this little story which I came across recently:

    While walking down the street one day a “Member of Parliament” is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. ‘Welcome to heaven,’ says St. Peter. ‘Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.’ ‘No problem, just let me in,’ says the man. ‘Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.’ ‘Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,’ says the MP.’I’m sorry, but we have our rules.’

    And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

    Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises….

    The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. ‘Now it’s time to visit heaven.’

    So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

    ‘Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.’

    The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: ‘Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.’
    So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

    ‘I don’t understand,’ stammers the MP. ‘Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?’

    The devil looks at him, smiles and says,
    “Yesterday, we were campaigning.. … Today, you voted.”

    “Keep smiling and don’t take the tablets!” We need to continue to display some “old gittery” for some time to come.

  2. Obiter J – BRILLIANT story…. needed a larf this morning.

    Be sure.. I shall continue the old gittery… you may count on it. Stir things up a bit too…now that I am recovering well and getting fitter!

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