These cold callers never learn…. This one was truly idiotic.

Today I received an unsolicited text from a claims company suggesting that I may have a claim worth £3500 for an injury.  As it happens, I haven’t had an injury.

I was bored. I am under doctor’s orders not to work until mid next week when I come off the heavy meds. The devil makes work for idle hands…and I just could not resist calling the number given in the text back.


Cold caller in call centre ‘somewhere in India?”:  Hello.

Charon: Have you got my £3500 for the injury you said I could claim for?

Cold caller in call centre ‘somewhere in India?”: Please… your name?

Charon: Charon QC, law blogger of London, England, United Kingdom…. lobber of bog rolls onto a metaphorical legal pitch.

Cold caller in call centre “somewhere in India?”: Bog roll?  What is bog roll, please?

Charon:  A bog roll is a colloquial term for lavatory paper.

Cold caller in call centre ‘somewhere in India?”  You were injured by this bog roll?

Charon:  No.

Cold caller in call centre ‘somewhere in India?”:  So how were you injured?

Charon:  You tell me.  You told me I could claim £3500 for my injury. I’m looking forward to spending it on licentious living.

Cold caller in call centre ‘somewhere in India?”:  Please, what is licence living?  You need licence to live in Britain?

Charon:  Oh yes. We need licences for everything in Britain. I already have my licence to receive £3500 from you.  I am a lawyer… so I am always licenced to receive money when is it is being chucked about by claims companies.

Cold caller in call centre ‘somewhere in India?”: How is your leg?

Charon:  A bit wooden. I have a wooden leg. But I’ll buy a new springy metal one  when I get the £3500 which you seem keen to send me for an injury I haven’t had.

Cold caller in call centre ‘somewhere in India?”: Do you have other injuries?

Charon: Many injuries over the years… fact, only this very morning I laughed when I saw your text and my head fell orf.  Res ipsa loquitur

Cold caller in call centre ‘somewhere in India?”: Please… your head fell off? Where is this head?

Charon:  It is in a rather charming 18th Century tea caddy I bought at a Flog It auction on my desk.

Cold caller in call centre ‘somewhere in India?”Click…..

Mea culpa…. I just cannot resist irritating cold callers who irritate me by wasting my time. I get a fair few cold callers…as many do.

Some time ago I wrote about another encounter with a cold caller.  If you haven’t read it… it may raise a wry smile…. or you will come to the conclusion that I am insane.  Either way – a win win for me!


5 thoughts on “These cold callers never learn…. This one was truly idiotic.

  1. Excellent!

    When cold callers ring I ask them to please hold on a minute – then I put the phone on the table and walk away………..they hold on for AGES. During which time they’re not busy annoying anyone else. I see it as a public service. 😉

  2. I used to receive calls suggesting that I may be one of the lucky ones, and that if I ordered my new windows from a certain supplier, I may get them for free. I often entered into negotiations with the caller, and then subsequently, their supervisor, regarding my deal whereby I would give them 50% of the saving, (cost of windows). It soon became clear that there were new windows, only walls.

  3. i’m not sure which of the above responses pleases me most. a small round of applause to everyone. sadly my only qualm is that annoying some poor sod in an indian call centre is not a victimless crime. maybe i need to lighten up a bit!

    i used to train people to do phone research (fortunately it didn’t involve ringing people at home or selling dubious and unwanted legal services). forever after when i got a call and it sounded all too apparent they were reading from their script, i asked them to stop, put down the script and concentrate on sounding like they were actually speaking to someone. i was kind enough to give them a few minutes of my pearls of wisdom until they got bored, made excuses and tried to get off the line. i then asked to be put through to whoever led their team as they probably needed training and i was available at a reasonable rate. alas, this often resulted in the phone being put down at the other end. their brains were probably seeping out through their ears.

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