I woke early this morning, walked onto the balcony, took in the early dawn, the gulls flying in formation overhead, lit a cigarette and began my first of a series of 100 repetitions of my new Smokedo exercise regime. I should, perhaps, explain that I am in my fifties and have been sitting on my arse writing for some months. It was time to tone a few muscles and get a bit of my body back.
So… while I smoke on the balcony I do press ups, crunches, leg squats, isometric tension exercises . I have 10 exercises in all. I do about 1000 or so each day of each in repetitions of 50. A pack of 20 ensures that I reach my target. It works… A Smoke yourself fit with Charon book is unlikely, however, to be in a bookshop near you in the near future.
Invigorated by my first three cigarettes (and accompanying exercises) I was able to face the day and drink some tea. It was then that my mind turned to what I should write about before making a state visit to London to meet Geeklawyer and a few fellow Twitters – Nancetron, Rah_Rah, Special_Noodles.. and Pandamans. and begin the ‘Lost day’ at the Porterhouse pub in Covent Garden.
I heard the inspiring sounds of Jerusalem welling up in the dark recesses of my mind… and a chariot of fire came to mind. I would write about our sceptred isle… our green and pleasant land and relate the antics of a few British people who have made Britain great this week… or not, depending on your point of view.
Bring me my bow of burning gold
Bring me my arrows of desire
Bring me my spears o’clouds unfold
Bring me my chariot of fire
So let us kick off with a judge or two. HH Judge Gledhill QC has managed to get himself onto the front page of The Law Society Gazette by giving a few solicitor-advocates a good kicking. Unfortunately for Gledhill, they were unamused by this and Bullivant and Partners published a rather blunt response. It may be that Judge Gledhill will soon be able to spend more time with his thoughts. I covered this earlier in the week and Geeklawyer gives the story a good working over in his inimitable style.
It seems that another judge will be hanging up the horsehair wig. The Telegraph reports that “District Judge Margaret Short was removed for behaviour that was “inappropriate, petulant and rude” with regards to one incident, according to the Office for Judicial Complaints, and “intemperate and ill-judged with regard to another”.” Apparently Judge Short didn’t particularly care for solicitors either. The telegraph notes… “She is believed to be the first judge to be sacked since Judge Bruce Campbell was removed for smuggling whisky from Guernsey into England in 1983.”
Ah well… these are mild instances of bizarre behaviour when compared to the daddy of them of them all, Lord Chief “Justice-in-a-Jiffy” Goddard who,“it has been claimed, had a particular personal reaction to sentencing people to death. According to his valet, Goddard would have an orgasm during sentencing and his trousers had to be sent off to be cleaned as a result. Another and more probable version suggests Goddard reacted in this way when he sentenced defendants to corporal punishment.”
Fortunately, the many judges I have met during 30 years in academe and, more recently through blogging, have all been rather good ones and extremly courteous and friendly, particularly to students. Certainly, I would have thought, our profession is better off without tiresomely rude judges?
So who else has been behaving badly?
Well… there is the matter of PC Plodder, or rather PC Rob Ward, 27 who, The Mail reports, ” allegedly boasted on Facebook he was going to “bash some long-haired hippies” at the G20 protests is under investigation” Here is he, the brave man, kitted out in his police stuff looking like Robocop on a bad day. What is that thing on his head? It looks like one of those electrode caps. Perhaps he is battery operated? Perhaps that thing on his head is a clamp to keep his brain in? Who knows? Anyway, he too may well have more time to spend dressing up at home soon. He is being investigated, The Mail reports.
All in all… not a bad haul for a Saturday morning… but I leave you with one final piece of nonsense. The Mail reports this morning…one can almost hear the hyperventilating journalist…
She says she’ll name four top Tories as clients in her memoirs. Is vice girl Natalie Rowe a fantasist or ticking time bomb?
And George Osborne even gets a mention… with a cute pic of him with her many years ago…. and The Mail has the gall to say that the story is being handled by “the old sleazemeister himself, Max Clifford.”
I shall, of course, be reading the News of The World and other tabloids tomorrow when I return from London to write my Postcard from east of London. Have a good day…. and as they used to say on Crimewatch.. don’t have nightmares… about Lord Goddard.