After the BBC broke the news about the separation of Prince Harry and Chelsy to a distraught and credit-crunch battered nation last night, The News of The Screws reported, without the crass solemnity of the BBC: “Harry, 24, is believed to have told his father about the split a few days ago. Both Charles and Camilla were said to be sad for the couple, but respected his decision. The Queen was also informed. “She does not like surprises,” said an aide.
Chelsy has, however, changed her Facebook status to “Not in a relationship”.
No… HM The Queen doesn’t like surprises. I can’t say I blame her. She has had quite a few surprises in her time. Apart from a burglar turning up in her Buckingham Palace bedroom many years ago, she has woken several times in her long reign to stories in The Press about her children and now… her grandchildren.
Digressing for a moment to reflect on the painting by Lucian Freud of Her Majesty… I thought it may interest readers to know this….
“The chief art critic of The Times, Richard Cork, describes the image as “painful, brave, honest, stoical and, above all, clear sighted”. But in the same paper, Richard Morrison says: “The chin has what can only be described as a six-o’clock shadow, and the neck would not disgrace a rugby prop forward.”The expression is of a sovereign who has endured not one annus horribilis but an entire reign of them. The Merry Monarch it isn’t.”
The Sun, at the time (2001), called the portrait “a travesty”. The paper’s royal photographer, Arthur Edwards, says: “They should hang it in the kharzi. “Freud should be locked in the Tower for this.”
Back to 25th January 2009…. The News of The Screws is having a field day today. Not only is there the grave news that Harry Pothead flirts with women and has been kicked into touch by Chelsy – NOTW journos are hyperventilating and beside themselves at the shock revelation that Jonathan Ross (just returned to broadcasting on our airwaves after being suspended for insulting national treasure Manuel from Fawlty Towers) has DISGRACED himself and the nation…. and has given blazer and cravat wearers from middle England something to do, other than hack around a golf course 30 over par, by being able to complain about his Saturday Radio show…
Britain wakes this morning to the news… ROSS DOES SICK OAP SEX GAG on his BBC radio 2 show.
“THE FOUL mouth of shamed Jonathan Ross put his BBC career on a new knife-edge yesterday—just minutes after he returned to Radio 2 from his three-month suspension.
The mega-bucks star’s crude joke about sex with an 80-year-old woman infuriated listeners.” I’ll leave discerning readers the delights of reading this story for themselves and merely extract a few choice comments from the great and the good who run our sceptred isle and who gave up their leisure time on a Saturday to do a bit of hyperventilating with NOTW journos…
First up is former visa fast tracking and libertarian Home Secretary David Blunkett, the man who helped to transform Britain into a surveillance state while shagging a comely young married woman from a well known political journal, - edited, at the time, by national Mayor treasure, Boris Johnson.
David Blunkett’s contribution to this story of national importance is this… ““It’s time for Ross to donate some of his salary to charity.”
Next, we turn to the reaction by the man who committed political suicide by taking a stand on 42 days and who has now been overlooked again by David Cameron… the best leader of the Conservatives that never was… David Davies…
The NOTW reports with a straight face: “Tory MP David Davies was listening to the show with his young children and demanded the BBC immediately sack Ross. He raged: “On Radio 2 you don’t expected X-rated references to sex, and especially sex with an 80-year-old, during the day”
THE BBC OFFICIAL RESPONSE?
As reported by the NOTW: ” But Sir Michael Lyons, chairman of the BBC Trust, refused to condemn Ross. He even declined to listen to a transcript of the crass comments and said: “You’re not going to expect me to make any comment on this, are you?”
BBC Director-General Mark Thompson — on £816,000 a year of licence-payers money — REFUSED to discuss the incident and hung up on us.
Later the corporation defended Ross in a statement which said: “Regular listeners will be familiar with Jonathan’s irreverence and innuendo.”
It is 04:52 am in Britain as I write this… a quick visit to the BBC website confirmed….
“A joke by Jonathan Ross on his first radio show after having been banned had “clearly no intention to offend anyone”, the BBC has said.”
Well… there we are… news of a different type. Back later in the day.. and now for a spot of breakfast… fried egg, bacon, toast, beans…. and, of course, I shall turn the plate around so that the egg is conveniently placed to the right….