Charon on his new talkshow interviews the Home Secretary about the Damien Green MP affair
Charon: Good evening… Tonight I am interviewing Home Secretary Jacky Smith about the Damien Green Affair. … Good evening, Home Secretary. So… is it see no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil?
Home Secretary: Good evening, Charon. It would have been wholly inappropriate for me to have intervened in police operational decisions over the Damian Green affair. The systematic leaking of Government information raised issues that struck at the heart of Britain’s “system of governance”.
Charon: Yes…. but surely you should have been told in advance. The Plod seems to have told Uncle Tom Cobbley and all… even Gorbals Mick knew… although he did nothing about it. Why weren’t you told?
Home Secretary: I have made clear that neither I, nor any other Government minister, knew until after the arrest of Mr Green that he, or any other MP, was the subject of a police investigation or was to be arrested. I hope those who have asserted the contrary will now withdraw their claims…. Even if I had been informed, I believe it would have been wholly inappropriate for me to seek to intervene in the operational decisions being taken by the police…. will not do that and I should not do that.
Charon: Well… short of water boarding the Home Secretary…. it is unlikely that I’m going to get any more out of her than the party waffle…. to coin a phrase… I’m no wiser and no better informed. That’s it for tonight… I’m off for a glass of wine. Have a good evening…. Care for a glass of cheap British red wine, Home Secretary? Cheap… 15%, available in all good off licences and excellent for binge drinkers … does the business.
Important Update: Carl Gardner has a very useful update on the Damien Green affair – and rather more sensible than my parody above.