Charon Reports (8): From Lambeth Palace

Audio Podcast: Charon Report 8 – From Lambeth Palace

I report today from outside Lambeth Palace in London, home of The Archbishop of Canterbury.  I used the bridge to cross the river as I didn’t think walking across the river itself would be looked upon that favorably in these circles. Today two of our most senior clerics have been doing their own bit of chasing the money-changers out of the Temple.

Times Business online reported this morning: “Leaders of the Church of England launched fierce attacks on the world’s stock market traders last night, condemning them as bank robbers and asset strippers and calling for a judicial review into Britain’s financial services. The Archbishops of Canterbury and York demanded stronger regulation and an end to speculation and living on debt.”

Dr John Sentamu, Archbishop of York, is reported as saying “The love of money is the root of all evil.” He said: “We have all gone to this temple called money. We have all worshipped at it. No one is guiltless . . . we have all become enslaved.”

Speaking at the Worshipful Company of International Bankers’ annual dinner in London, Sentamu said: “To a bystander like me, those who made £190 million deliberately underselling the shares of HBOS, in spite of a very strong capital base, and drove it into the arms of Lloyds TSB, are clearly bank robbers and asset strippers. We find ourselves in a market system which seems to have taken its rules of trade from Alice in Wonderland.”

As I look about me, at the splendour of Lambeth Palace, when I consider the history of religion in this country, the wealth, the control by the Church in times past over a repressed people I cannot help but marvel that the Banks are being chastised.  Next we will hear that the Archbishop of Canterbury will be instructing brokers not to short any shares if the Church of England holds stock…….  hang on, just a moment…I stand corrected… the studio is telling me through my earpiece that the Archbishop does not want any short selling of shares where the Church has an involvement.

I spoke to a vicar who was about to go into the palace.  I asked him if he was taking some loaves and fishes in for lunch.  He smiled wryly and told me that the sack was full of money.  He had just taken his savings out of a local bank just in case things got worse.  I asked him if he was worried about theft.  He raised his eyes heavenwards and told me… “We have just seen a form of theft on a global scale, perpetrated by banking sinners…. and… it is unlikely that any of the inhabitants in here will steal my money.  We worship a different God in here.”

It was at this point that a young priest walked towards me, a benign smile playing on his lips, his eyes fierce with zeal.  He produced a small bottle and started flicking cold water at me…. and then he said “I command you, unclean spirit, whoever you are, along with all your minions now attacking this servant of God, by the mysteries of the incarnation, passion, resurrection, and ascension of our Lord Jesus Christ, by the descent of the Holy Spirit, by the coming of our Lord for judgment, that you tell me by some sign your name, and the day and hour of your departure. I command you, moreover, to obey me to the letter, I who am a minister of God despite my unworthiness; nor shall you be emboldened to harm in any way this creature of God, or the bystanders, or any of their possessions.”

I left…I got the point…..I felt quite chilly as it happens… I’m still not entirely sure whether the priest had exorcised the demon from me or if I was the demon…

This is Charon, reporting from Lambeth Palace

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Audio Podcast: Charon Report 8 – From Lambeth Palace

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BREAKING NEWS

Grateful to fellow blogger May Contain Nuts for alerting me to story in Guardian revealing that Church of England were into short selling in unbelievable financial markets as well as the general unbelievable stuff they are in to. Wonderfully ironic…. but…. entirely consistent with Church practices going back over centuries.  Bank robbers?

I was rather busy on Friday doing work – and then I had to go to a very demanding wine tasting.  As a result I did not have time to read all the papers on Friday.

Guardian story

5 thoughts on “Charon Reports (8): From Lambeth Palace

  1. Sir,

    In regard to the ‘enslaved’ comment by Dr John Sentamu. I found this most appalling, it is a direct slur upon our non white brothers, the backbone of the British nation.

    Dr John is a fine upstanding citizen, and I reguarly partake of his wonderful ’419 emails.
    Especially the ones involving his poor sister who although worth billions, is unwell and not long for this world.

    However, I shall of course continue to send him my private banking details to help his AIDS ridden mother build her ‘Church of the Greater God’ in the wondeful country of Nigeria.

    Racism amongst the visitors to our country is unacceptable and will put an end to our wonderful public transport system if allowed to continue.

    As soon as Jamilla, my maid, has finished cleaning the house, I shall instruct her to write a letter to that nice Mr Portillo.
    I knew his mother before she married that darkie you know.

    your’s in disgust,
    James Ba’stard Esquire.

  2. I take it that you saw the reports that the Church has been caught lending shares for which it is responsible to those evil-doers who want to engage in the sinful practice of short-selling?

  3. Dear Bishop Bollix

    I return to The Boat, after 40 hours in the Wilderness of Chelsea, to reflect upon the wonder that there are still Churches that have not been sold and turned into Nando franchises, wine bars or gastropubs.

    I marvel, also, at the way people, apart from Lib-Dem politicians and voters, continue to believe in the unbelievable. They have that right – but do not have the right to interfere in the lives of those who do not choose to believe in myth, superstition and, it has to be said, not a great story or read. (Although I did like that strange actor Robert… someone…. who played Jesus… and also did 39 Steps….. was he in Hart to Hart… or Emmerdale? ….can’t remember…. Famous actor chappie… did a good Christ… in a very British way. May even have a knighthood for all I know…. never could understand why we give knighthoods at all, let alone to actors like that bore who played Gandhi – and gets very pissed off, apparently, when people don’t call him by his title… Sir Benny Hill… I think his name may be…?)

    We are a tolerant people… in this sceptred isle….. and one day, apart from a personal hope that we shall become an adult and free republic and put an end to the civil list and the angst and general weirdness of the descendants of Sophia, Electress of Hanover, – another wonderful bit of mumbo jumbery – I am pleased that we have an institution – The Church of Ingerland – funded by taxes and wealth based on superstition and fear many years ago and now invested wisely on the stock market and in vast tracts of land… which does so little for so few

    I remain… of an atheist persuasion
    Citizen Charon

  4. Pingback: 28 September: Postcard from The Boat « Charon QC…the blawg

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