Weekend Review: 18-19th April

I’ll kick off with a brief report about a solicitor MP who has been charged with criminal damage for clambering over the bonnet of a van to get onto a bus. I won’t dwell on it – but it does seem a rather bizarre thing for a lawmaker and lawyer to do. Curiously, for Wolverhampton has been in my thoughts recently (I know not why), the solicitor MP represents the town.

And then we have The Times reporting that an accountant who stole £70,000 from two churches has been ordered by a judge to repay the money by selling his huge stamp collection on eBay. Apparently, the accountant stole money from church fetes and spent the money on his stamp collection and gambling. “The court heard that Klein made many of his losses on an internet gambling site where his online nickname was The Bishop.”

I was having a drink recently with an actress friend of mine. She suggested that my voice would be good for voice overs. I was open to the idea after a bottle of vino, so she texted me a number and contact details. I did actually ring the number and was told that I could have a ‘studio test’! My enthusiasm waned a bit when I asked what sort of voice overs they did. I was told – for automated phone systems! Excellent! I can think of nothing worse than having “Charon” answer the phone… I have in mind the following…

Ringggg….ringggg…. ringgggg ringggg…

“Good morning, this is Muttley Dastardly LLP. If you would like to settle your fee note… press One. If you would like to sue someone…press Two…. if you are being sued…press Three. If you would like to talk to one of our lawyers….press Four. Calls to this number are recorded for arse covering purposes and for our amusement and are charged at £150 an hour for the first fifteen minutes and £200 per hour thereafter. Please be aware that our fee rates range from £200 – £650 per hour if you instruct us to act on your behalf. We are an equal opportunity law firm and never knowingly undercharge. Thank you for calling.”

Euro-stench
The unseasonal cold weather is coming from the east winds currently passing over British sovereign territory. Unfortunately, it appears, the winds are also bringing a foul smell from Europe; creating an epidemic of europhobia among the residents of West London. The BBC reports that:

Stu Maddison of Ealing, west London, said he noticed the stench as soon as he stepped out the door this morning. Mr Maddison said the smell was still in the air when he arrived for work in Notting Hill. “It’s a bit rude really,” he said of the air. “Various colleagues thought they’d trod in something but no, it’s the air.”

I’m a bit surprised that Boris, with only two weeks to go before he ascends to the London throne and be crowned as the “People’s Dick Wittington”, hasn’t yet jumped on the bandwagon. Perhaps the News of The World tomorrow will have his opinion on this. The BBC spent a bit more taxpayer money on interviewing the people about their reaction to the ‘vomit to poo’ like smell. What worries me is that I watched the clip.

Geeklawyer has an amusing piece on the restoration of the Da Vinci code judge to grace. The “Office for Naughty Judges”,  as he calls it,  has merely reprimanded Mr Justice Smith for his Addleshaws episode. Full story on Geeklawyer’s blog.

***

TIME FOR ANOTHER CAPTION COMPETITION

I haven’t had a caption competition for some time – largely because I appear to be drinking all the prizes myself.

However – the prize here will be one bottle of Bourbon’s finest – a Rioja from my dwindling private collection. The only snag is that you will have to drink it with me in West London.

An alternative prize - to accompany me to a restaurant when I do a restaurant review for LawandMore. We will eat and drink and, of course, I’ll even consult you for your opinion. I’m entitled to bring a guest for each dinner I eat. (I’m doing my first restaurant review for LawandMore this Wednesday – and I’m looking forward to dinner and the writing afterwards!)

And if you really don’t want to win either of these prizes, but simply want to win the competition – just say so in your comment!

Over to you. I shall resist putting my own caption up this time.

22 thoughts on “Weekend Review: 18-19th April

  1. OK… I just had to

    “The re-fried beans used in the Texan pork and beans President Bush served up for dinner last night were this big… and people are complaining about the loss of the 10p taxband?”

  2. Good evening Mr Geeklawyer. Welcome back to Muttley Dastardly LLP. If you want to ask our accounts payable unit about your fee note… press One…. if you want to get roaring with Matt Muttley, managing partner, again….press Two… if you want to discuss career prospects at Muttley Dastardly LLP… press Three and we’ll put you through, at no further charge, to your nearest Citizen’s Advice Bureau. As a platinum contact with our firm we have only added or deducted £50 from your account with us for this call. Thanks for calling.

  3. Caption

    ‘I’ve got 10 grand on at Ladbrookes that I can get my approval rating down to THIS much by Christmas. ‘

    (apologies if this comes up twice, pesky internet connection)

  4. Caption above picture

    ‘In a desperate appeal for popularity Gordon Brown tries to at least convince divers that everything is ok’

  5. Caption

    OK Benedict, in that white dress you just an upstaging c*%t.

    Or,

    Now children, Uncle Gordon will make the shadow rabbit waggle his ears.

  6. With regard to the caption how about something like “No, honestly, it really is THIS thick!”

    As Regards, your putative career as a telephone voice – just think of the possibilities! From such humble a dazzling career could spring! Fame could be yours as the voice of a lift in the Gherkin, or the automated self scanning checkout in Tesco’s – or EVEN as ” If you, bus travelling PEASANT that you are, go through these doors before we are ready, we will have to shoot you” guy at Victoria Bus Station! What FUN could be had! I am sooo jealous!!

  7. …y..y..yes, they’re called oreo’s, they’re about this big, they’re…they’re my favourite and someone’s taken them and i’m not saying anything more about this so-called credit crunch, until whoever’s taken them gives them back to me…I mean it !!!

  8. “Gordon Brown states the bleeding obvious by confirming the the number of times he’s actually seen John Prescott throw up”

  9. Gordon Brown explains the credit crunch to a room full of sceptics, “Will this affect the pound in your pocket, you ask. Absolutely not, this much, a big fat zero, nada, nothing, nil, niente, Geddit ? Now back to the main question..Who’s nicked my oreos?”. The restless crowd remained angry and sceptical, with only the sound of crunching biscuits piercing the silence…

  10. Pingback: The Fourth Estate v Cherie Blair, a QC and Recorder…. « Charon QC…the blawg

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