Transcript of telephone conversation between Eva Braun, PA to Matt Muttley, and Matt Muttley. Friday 28th March 0630 hours.
Braun: Hi Matt… how ya hanging?
Muttley: Good, Eva… in fact… very good. Excuse me darling, I have to take this call from my PA, Eva…….. Eva… sorry… my Mother decided to come over for breakfast and some advice on offshore trusts.
Braun: Yeah right… so since when do you call your Mother ‘Darling’? Another Estonian lap dancer needing urgent advice on tax planning? Do you want me to record the time?
Muttley: OK…OK… not billable…. so what gives?
Braun: Matt… I was watching ‘The Apprentice’ last night. Fantastic barrister… got fired by the garden gnome, but exactly the right socio-psychopathic profile for us. Have spoken to Dr Strangelove about him and he agrees. We should bring him in with a view immediately.
Muttley: Usual First, top law school, no failures, arrogant, dysfunctional?
Braun: Not sure about the dysfunctional bit, but he can’t talk about football and appears to have a supersized ego and opinion of himself. He can also paint, so could be put to work doing artwork for reception at quiet times. He has his own website – this guy has it all and he is not shy about telling everyone.
Muttley: OK… send me the URL and info and I’ll get a memo out. If you could arrange a taxi for Mother… I’ll let her out by the partner’s lift.. I’ll be out in five.
From: Matt Muttley, Managing Partner
To: All Partners
cc: Dr Strangelove, Head of Training
Date: 28th March 2008
HIRE THIS GUY
Eva has sent me the cv of a young recently qualified barrister who appeared on BBC reality show ‘The Apprentice’ the other night. This young man appears to have all the qualities we look for in our trainees and staff. We also need to harden up our advocacy unit as well.
As you know, I am a keen supporter of law blogs and Victorian Maiden at Ruthie’s Law has a most useful analysis:
“Nicholarse has the lot. From the time at which he put the boot into his team leader and allowed Raef to take responsibility for it; to his last-ditch insistence that being unable to work out 30% of a total and then add it on to the original price to produce a profit was not his fault but someone else’s, Nick was supreme. Never mind that commercial work would appear beyond our boy – Nick can sneer with the best. And, of course, Nick ensured that the viewer knew he was a barrister. This, apparently, gave him an edge. Other contestants quailed at the thought of facing Nick in the Boardroom. ”
Partners may wish to view Mr De Lacy-Brown’s website – a monument to himself.
De Lacy-Brown writes… “It was Virgil who stated in his Ecologues: ‘Non omnia possumus omnes’ (We can’t all do everything), a statement which many have been happy to oblige. In Nicholas de Lacy-Brown however, there lies a man who is prepared to question such apathy. Undoubtedly a man of many talents, he has lived his short twenty-four years with a vivacity and boldness which few could achieve in a lifetime…”
He has appropriate academic qualifications – usual first, decent university and an ‘”Outstanding on the BVC”. Of rather more importance to us, is not the objective judgment of academics and purveyors of BVC courses, but his own assessment of himself. (See above)
He can paint as well – so could be very useful, at quiet times, doing a bit of decorating around the office and, of course, adding to our extensive library of artwork displayed in reception. He speaks Spanish – do we have any Spanish clients?
As he managed to get himself fired in Episode 1 of The Apprentice – he may well be available. Let me know your thoughts on this. My only concern is that he may be a figment of imagination and may not actually exist. Research on Google does not appear to reveal which set he is a pupil at. Eva is on the case.