I tried my best to deliver your Christmas presents….

I was alone at The Bollo with a lot of other alone people…. We shared wine… the wind made it extremely difficult to smoke outside…and… I just could not watch My Fair Lady and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

And then…. the AngelGabriel.com delivered unto me… an email from Ed of Blawg Review.

Subject: Re: That’s “bling” mate…
Date: 24 December 2007 21:59:25 GMT

I had to reply….

Happy Christmas…. Ed of Blawg Review,

Thank ‘God’ you wrote to me. It is difficult being alone at this time of year. (Actually… it is marvellous.)

The current Archbishop of Canterbury Tales, Rowan Williams… has managed to get a piece in The Times about all the ‘god fearing, binge drinking Britons’ who are going to be turning up at midnight tonight in Church of England churches to find and have ‘communion’ with God. (The Times).

The only Archbishop in the Village seems to think that this reveals a surge in support for ‘God’ and a move away from those inconvenient people who enjoyed reading Richard Dawkins book ‘The God Delusion”… and have a more science based take on life and death.

Not even the Lib-Dems are that brazen with statistics and belief. (Editorial Note: For US, other overseas readers…and most English readers: The Liberal Party still exists, despite the hard work done by Jeremy Thorpe (Rinka the dead dog/ Norman Scott), Paddy Ashdown (The ‘Pantsdown’ saga), Charles Kennedy (‘Seriously over-refreshed’ drinker, bon viveur and smoker who diced with death by hanging out of train windows to smoke to avoid the smoking ban), Sir Ming Cambell (No salesman called because he was just too old to merit a free carriage clock with the sensibly priced insurance to pay for the coffin)… and now they have elected someone who appears to be rather like ‘Private Pike’ in Dad’s Army.

My own rather jaded analysis… but thankfully, I got bail….is less prosaic (I only do ‘prosaic’ when I am on duty). Many in Britain will go to Church tonight because of their beliefs and faith… but, after closing time… others will also pile in …. because they like a bit of karaoke at this time of year…. ‘Once in Royal David Beckhams’ City’… “Away on a Bender” … “What I really, really, want for Christmas” … and…then they will go off for a kebab.

Unfortunately…. I’ve got to go… I’ve just looked at my watch… it is 10.00 pm in Britain… and I haven’t managed to deliver any presents at all tonight.

When I agreed to do ‘Blawg Review’ on January 7th 2008… that was fine… it was just a bridge too far to agree to be Britain’s Father Christmas in 2007… I really did not want to disappoint… which is why I ‘outsourced’ it to Royal Mail….. Two Million presents won’t be delivered in Britain this Christmas, apparently. Not good. Thank God I was not greedy and didn’t go global with my Father Christmas franchise this year. I just hope the French will understand.

Sorry… but I just can’t drink and drive a sleigh tonight… and Rudolph has just been detained without trial for 28 days…Have a good one…

5 thoughts on “I tried my best to deliver your Christmas presents….

  1. A brilliant letter, my Lord Charon… if that doesn’t confuse the yanks, nothing will!

    Bloody annoying when the wind blows fresh air into your lungs as you’re trying to smoke a fag…

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