It is easy to be lofty about tabloids - but, frankly, at 7.00 am, when I am sipping espresso at a pavement cafe in Parisian West London (Chiswick) and lighting a Silk Cut to ease myself into reading some nonsense, I cannot focus on the quality newspapers. I read them online at 5.00 am when I start work and, later in the day, read the paper version when I sip my first Rioja at 6.00 pm – please note the ‘pm’ bit. Am I becoming a creature of habit? Am I on a SAGA mailing list?
In fact, as any writer will tell you, it is a lot more difficult to write clearly, simply and succinctly than to have the leisure of prolixity. I find the tabloid style quite appealing on occasion. The actual story on the front cover was about a Tory MP who left his wife (who had just recovered from cancer) for a barrister’s wife. A fairly unremarkable story in the grand scheme of world events – but a bit of Tory bashing by The Mirror cheers us up at a time when New Labour seems to have decided to fire a political shotgun into both feet.
But… I was encouraged to read on and found a story about The Tories. Apparently the Tories are getting rid of their Maggie Logo – the flaming torch – for a green and blue tree made of childlike scribbles, for which they reputedly paid £40,000.
The Mirror reports one Tory supporter as saying…“My daughter said, ‘Did David Cameron give his baby a crayon?’” As one commentator observed…”At least the tree leans to the right.”
Not content with mocking the Tories with Mr B’Stard MP running off withsomeone else’s wife, The Mirror managed to put the boot in with a story about another Tory ‘blunderer’. I quote from The Mirror “A BLUNDERING Tory sparked further outrage yesterday by backing the brutal culling of baby seals.”
Euro MP Roger Helmer said beating “dumb” cubs over the head was “humane” and that they deserved to die because they were “guilty” of eating too many fish.
Euroblunderer goes on.. in (an) astonishing email to a 17-year-old animal rights campaigner – “I think it’s mawkish, sentimental and unhelpful to adopt a Bambi attitude to animals.”
All good stuff. I ordered another espresso and lit another Silk Cut. I turned the page of The Mirror to find the story of the day – which turned gloom into light… and I can shoe horn in a bit of Law (Or at least Law and Order)… COPS & DOGGERS
PC sacked after joining couple for sex romp in car park while on patrol. Here is the full Mirror report
Briefly: Uniformed copper patrols notorious ‘dogging’ site. Sees couple romping in their vehicle in front of ‘seedy voyeurs’. Plod, who is married, decides to join in. Tells colleagues who phone him while he is on ‘The Job’ “I’m busy now. I’ll get back to you in 20 minutes.” Plod then gets fired. Class!